An Unusual Outlook on Life

Relocating

2011-06-14T11:27:00.000-05:00

My blog, with all past and future entries, can now be found at Ink and Grit. Please follow me over there.

Fantasy can't last forever

2011-06-10T13:41:00.000-05:00

Today, I'd like to write about a personal pet peeve of mine - one that I've encountered far too often. Worse yet, I've almost volunteered to run into it as often as I do as a result of the circles I choose to run in...but I'm getting ahead of myself. I am, as I feel I've said many times before, a writer. I am also a theater student and a role-player. While a good dungeon crawling session is always fun and something I've been away from far too long, most of my role-play fix comes in the form of PBP (play-by-post) forums.

An explanation, for those who may not understand: These usually take place on message boards/forums where each member writes for a different character. Everyone works together, writing through the eyes of their characters, to tell the same story. It is, in essence, communal story-telling and has been likened to a group of people, all writing the same novel. Each person brings their character and their own personal writing style to it; in the end, hopefully, you have a coherent, cohesive story. Of course, I can't say I've ever witnessed a PBP site reach an official end, perhaps because the characters always have more stories to tell.

All in all, PBP is my very favorite form of RP. It's a writing exercise, after all. By varying things like character types and background, a wealth of possible characterization is available for anyone to tap into. However, there are some who tap into it too much.

I can't stand it when the only thing people do is role-play, no matter what form it takes. Escapism is amazing and can be a wonderful break, but there are some out there who seem to forget about their real world responsibilities. Addictive personalities, perhaps? I've always wondered. In the past, even I have been guilty of this crime, spending a whole day working on a character application, trying to get inside their heads, but I have my limits. When the characters I'm writing for get to be too much, I'll get away from the computer, maybe go for a walk or a run. I'll read a book, something that has nothing to do with whatever universe my characters came from. After a few hours or days in the real world, I go back to the characters and find them fresher and easier to write for.

Excess, in anything, can be harmful to self and to others. I was once friends with someone and broke it off because all they ever discussed was our role-play characters. Frankly, it got to be exhausting. With no opportunity to distance myself from the character I was writing, the fun went out of it and the character was abandoned. I still role-play on various forums, including one I have been a member of since it's inception six years ago. I love it as much as I did when I first discovered role-playing over ten years ago. However, I urge my fellow RPers to take a step back every now and then.

There's a real world out there too. Remember to live in it and visit the others, not the other way around.

Gone Running

2011-06-05T13:02:00.002-05:00

It's time to go. My mind kicks into gear with no hesitation, but my body must be coaxed. I stretch, slowly, letting each muscle tense and lengthen. Muscles too tense, I've forgotten to breathe. As the air wooshes from my lungs, the stretch becomes easier. I can reach farther, curl in a few degrees more. Slowly, my muscles begin to revel in it, to cooperate and move as I want them to. Endorphines are flowing as my blood pumps. Another stretch, focusing on the muscles that always seem to seize up on me - my hamstrings, my sides. I check my laces once more and reach for my water bottle. Another drink, checking that at least eight ounces worth are in my system, and I'm outside.

Nature greets me in one form or another. The sun beats down; I put my shades over my glasses - no need to squint and tense up my facial muscles. The breeze runs past with all the care of a laughing child. I start walking at my normal pace until I reach the spot I've chosen. The cell phone comes out, the timer set for two minutes. I take a moment to survey my domain. Even if I'm in unfamiliar territoy, as I am now, this is something I know. Even if my feet have never before disturbed this ground, I feel it instinctively. This is where I will run. I push a button, my feet moving a second before the countdown starts.

My breathing comes easy, moving with the rhythm of my feet. Four count inhale, four count exhale. Before the two minutes are up, of course, this is completely shot. All I can do is keep my feet moving in time, my arms moving, eyes on the road. No need to look at the timer. When it beeps, I turn it off, drinking in air through burning lungs. My thumb taps a button, re-starting the countdown, as my brain forces my feet to move. This is a walk, a two minute cool down. Through most of it, I pant and gasp, trying to get my breathing back, slow in and out, through my nose. Yeah, right. Too soon, the beep sounds again. Inwardly, I groan. Just a little more walking. Thirty seconds or another minute, just until my breathing evens out.

My discipline won't let me. I tap the button again, feet moving in the same rhythm, seeming stilted and awkward. My run seems, to me, more like a hybrid of a jog and the desperate last minute sprint of the dead tired. Minute three of running passes a little easier than minute one. I hardly notice minute four, determined as ever not to look at the timer. The times I do cheat, I am proud of myself. The mantras for these cheats are one of two. "Only a minute left. You've done one, so do another." "Thirty seconds. If you reach that landmark, that sign, that tree, before the alarm, you can stop." It's all a mind game, of course. The landmark I've picked is too far ahead or so close I know I'll breeze past it and keep going.

More walking. I check my heart rate as I walk, eyes now glued to the timer as I count beats in my head. My pulse seems to be everywhere, my blood humming. I hear the echoing dull thud in my ears. I feel the beat in my shoulders, my legs tingling, aching in a positive way. Even my scalp seems to pulse with the beat of my heart. I count. One, two, three, four. My heart rate is up, where it needs to be. Another minute of walking, four total now excluding the journey to my running space. The next, I know, will be the worst. As always, I hear the beep.

Why did I ever decide to do this? I push the button, my legs sluggish, objecting as I push forward. Minute five is the best part of my run - for about the first thirty seconds. I feel great, I'm getting fit, I'm doing something I love. All these thoughts are derailed as my focus rapidly shifts to oxygen. My whole world is the breath moving in and out of my lungs, moving too fast, giving no nourishment I can detect. There is very little feeling of relief tied to any inhale right now. It is an automatic thing, something I have to do in the same way my feet have to keep eating up the pavement.

This is the halfway point, my personal mile 20, my wall. Rhythm is gone now. There is no form to the run in my head, no feeling of my muscles working together, my body a well-oiled machine. I gasp and pant and will my feel to keep going. If I reach a hill, I feel the weight pulling at my feet, my legs. I want to slow down, to walk up the cursed incline. I want to lean forward to ease the gentle pull that feels like I'm moving through water. As always, I don't let myself. I count each foot strike, working on the most basic of the human body's actions. Breathe in. Breathe out. Keep moving your feet. One, two, three, four. Minute six seems as if it will never end, but it does. The beep sounds. This time, I come to a dead stop.

I lean over, still gasping, wondering how the hell I must look standing here, hands on knees, breathing too hard to talk. I can't swallow the saliva that has gathered in my mouth, as if my throat no longer works. I spit, just trying to get the collected moisture out of my mouth. Sweat has started. Another breeze comes by, just when I need it most. I start to walk.

My feet are sluggish and feel clumsy. Though there is no muscle ache in my legs, I don't want to move another step. One foot in front of the other. I plod now, breathing in harsh pants, pulling the air in with all the speed I can muster. I breathe through the stitch in my side, knowing that is the only way to work it out. Again, the beep. Again, the running. Minute seven is nearly as bad as minutes five and six. Minute eight is a completely different story. I've passed the wall. I find my rhythm again, or some shadow of it. Air is what it was when I started almost fifteen minutes ago, something that comes easily, in more generous amounts. I've passed the wall and run eight minutes. I walk, wishing, as I did in my walking minute four, that I could just keep running. That feeling, in minute eight, is why I run. In minute eight, minute nine, minute ten, I am invincible. In this time, I truly feel like a runner.

I toy with the idea of running another two minutes. No. Not yet. I know I need to quit while I'm riding the high; quitting a workout while I feel miserable could make me quit altogether. I head home, walking, taking my time, still pulling hard breaths, but I don't care. At home, I'm careful. I stretch, loving the way sweat covers me like a thin second skin. These stretches are slower, cool down stretches. I mentally tabulate the way each muscle feels, the way it moves. Is anything too tight? Did anything pull or hyper extend? Is there any pain?

I find water, careful not to drink it too fast, careful not to stand too close to the fan. Cooling down too quickly seems like a bad idea; my mind rebels against the idea of hopping in the tub immediately after a run or even of sitting down right after. Rather than read or research, I trust my body. My body says cooling down too fast is dangerous as wearing sandals in long grass when you know a snake is there. I take my time, walking, not settling anywhere. My pacing makes others edgy at times, but right now, I don't care. I listen to my body.

I'm home a good ten minutes before I dare to look in the mirror. The sweat is still a sheen on my arms and legs as I move to the mirror. Secretly, I dread the day I come in from a run and find my face bone pale instead of red. That would mean a drop in sugar levels. I can't afford that. Of course, my face is pink, as always. Pink, I can live with. It means I've exherted myself, but in a good way. I've taken care of my body's needs without putting any kind of a toll on myself. My hair is wild, sweaty, my eyes glowing with pride. In the mirror, I smile.

No matter my pace, no matter my rythym, my pink face and the sweat on my skin are a confirmation I find myself needing. Rhythym will come later. Breathing easily will come later. Speed and endurance will come later. I've taken the first steps. I feel great and am ready to face the rest of my day. I am a runner.

Summer in Dallas

2011-06-02T16:51:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not on a glamorous vacation. I got a call, very unexpectedly, last Wednesday, telling me that I was needed at Dallas' Shakespeare in the Park. Translation: I got my theater internship. This means I will graduate on time!

After some mad rush packing, Mom and I drove up to Dallas. She catches a flight out of D/FW tomorrow, more details about the trip coming on her blog. I've spent the past week working up at the theater and have loved it. I'm the sound intern, also known as the E3. It will be my job, during the run of the show, to cue up the programmed sound effects when they are needed. For now, I view myself as just another techie.

Tech work is the thing I love most about theater. Wires and cables, screws and nails, tie line and wood, I'll work with most any material and do most any job. So far, I've hung speakers, ran wires, built and positioned 20 and 30 foot steel towers to hang lights from, cleaned mics, and untangled more cable than I'd care to remember. It's all been a lot of fun. I'm keeping hydrated (it's an outdoor theater), eating well, and even gaining some muscle from helping lug around heavy equipment. My internship is supposed to end about a month before the fall semester starts; maybe I can keep whatever weight, muscle, etc. I develop out here. Fingers crossed!

Sore muscles

2011-05-10T19:59:00.001-05:00

Went on another run today. I am still keeping walking in my alternating routine. I managed to run two minutes in a row instead of just one and did a total of ten minutes running time. My muscles are very sore now, but I'm still loving it. Taking it easy this evening and will determine whether to run tomorrow or give my legs a day to recover. I need to figure out a few more hamstring stretches; my right hamstring is getting sore faster than my other muscles. for now, my focus for each run is time, not distance. After I get some good endurance, a good base on it, etc. I'll start tracking my mileage. Til then, I'll just keep putting one foot in front of the other!

I've noticed lately that my interest in spending time online goofing around has seriously waned. I don't want to role-play as much as I used to; I haven't been on twitter or facebook in ages. This has really got me to thinking, wondering why this change has come after a lot of time with the internet as a prime source of recreation that I chose to fill so much of my time. Guess I forgot how much I really enjoy being on my feet and doing things. Maybe in time, I'll be running instead of sitting in front of the computer. Maybe. ;)

Self-defining

2011-05-09T18:27:00.000-05:00

The semester's nearly at it's end and the past few days have been great. Today, I went to my end of semester conference for the theater department and it went really well. I was commended for my organizational skills and paperwork - something I need to improve in my life outside of school. After the conference and listening to a lot of talk about how I need to design more, be more creative, etc. I realized that I am not a designer. I am a technician. My skills lie in the act of carrying out someone else's design rather than coming up with my own. I'm just not necessarily that inventive on my own.

Thankfully, it was fairly cool out today. I was able to go for a run, my first since deciding I want to try and become a runner. I went up to the graveyard by our house and did some jogging. I jogged one minute, then walked on minute, alternating like that. On the way home, I ran between landmarks I saw, so there was no focus on time. If I'm right, I ran a total of five minutes. It may not sound like much, but as someone who walks exclusively, I'm taking every small bit of improvement as great gain.

I started hydrating a few hours before my run, then got my run postponed while I joined Mom, Other Mom, and Ms. Emma in running some errands. I did regret slightly that I started my run without any fluids in my possession since my water bottle was at home and I got dropped off so I could run sooner. Nevertheless, I did enjoy my run. I need to work on my rhythm and finding my stride as well as breathing properly while I run. I also need to reach a point where I can run for a whole minute without wondering when I can stop. All this, I know, will come with time and practice.

I'm already looking forward to my next run!

A new relaxation plan

2011-04-11T09:12:00.000-05:00

I'm using the word "relaxation" somewhat incorrectly because my plan has very little to do with the relaxing most people think of. I'm not thinking of taking it easy or spending a day doing nothing. Instead, I'm thinking about ways to relax my body, to make me less aware of it, less concerned about how I look to others. Yesterday, I managed it. How do I know, you ask? The answer is quite simple.

At rehearsal last night, the director praised me. He said I was doing a great job and had been doing everything he'd asked me to, from my voice to my movement. Then, he gave me ideas to inject a little more character into my lines. I know this is pretty standard; after all, this is the meat and potatoes of what acting is. However, it's big news for me because I never made it past the basic bread and butter stage of "we can't hear you! speak up!"

I credit last night's extreme relaxation to the fact that I spent the day with Emma. I watched her all day and most of that time was spent out on the swing, me pushing her. I swear we went out there no less than half a dozen times and each swing session lasted at least fifteen minutes. At least, that's how it felt to me. I was completely amazed at how happy she was, just for this simple act from me. All she wanted was for me to push her on the swing, for us to spend time together. I am so grateful that I got to spend so much time yesterday with my sister, even if there had been no benefit for me.

Desires and Blessings

2011-04-06T16:06:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm showing my age. I've been setting a lot of goals lately, thinking about the future in a manner more tangible than what is offered through mere dreams. I've been doing a lot of soul-searching - and doing it in some of the most unusual and unexpected places. One of my new goals is to be in a committed relationship before I graduate college. By my count, I have about a year to meet this goal. (As well as meeting the person. Lol.) In the past, I've made a brief and far from incomplete list of what I'm looking for in a partner. The lists I'll be writing for this blog will have a slightly broader focus.

Some of the things I want in my future include:

Writing - I really need to stop kidding myself. Writing is and has always been my passion. I am never happier than when I am writing, even if it's a simple little blog like this. Yes, I'm going to complete my theater degree. Yes, it may even lead to a job. Writing, whether for the theater or not, will be my career, starving artist be damned.

Financial stability - I've had this goal pretty well carved out since I was in middle school or high school. I don't want to be fabulously wealthy (though I don't think I'd complain if it did happen) and I don't want to be famous. I'm not a big fan of being in the public eye and never have been. I just want enough money that bills can be paid on time and where I can go out if I want to instead of having to wonder if I can afford it. Frankly, I don't feel this is much to ask of the universe.

Spirituality - I hesitate to use the word religion because I don't believe a label has been made yet for my personal beliefs. Do I want to parade my feelings about God down the street or hang a banner outside my house for everyone to know exactly who I believe hears my prayers? With no pun intended, my answer is a resounding "Heavens, no!" I'll openly admit that I keep my beliefs very close to the vest. I rarely share them because feel I don't have the right to assume that I know more than someone else simply because I have different beliefs. However, if I'm honest with myself, I know that I need the inner peace that spirituality provides. I need to make time for myself and time to commune with my choice of higher power.

Love - I've always had love in my life, possibly more than I myself have ever been aware of having. This excessive beautiful emotion must continue to color my world so that it can spill over into the lives of those around me.

An equal partner - Whether male or female, I know my body and soul is searching for my other half. Maybe it's some biological clock, maybe my heart's just tired of being lonely. I'm not analyzing it. I'm just waiting.

Animals - I have owned pets all my life. I can't see myself not having a few dogs around, at the very least.

Books - What is life if I can't read?

Listen to myself more - If this blog has shown little else, I think is does provide evidence that I am, in some ways, more mature than some of my peers. I really do need to learn to listen to my own advice more often since I know myself incredibly well. The second-guessing needs to stop and I need to stop short-changing myself.

Listen to others more - I have a tremendous support system. My family, my friends, my professors - there are so many sources there, many of them more experienced than I. I need to be more aware of taking the advice they give rather than taking more time to make my own mistakes and reach a decision they already suggested.

Those are just a few of the things I want out of life. Now, I'm going to take some very good advice and count a few of my blessings by taking a look at what I already have.

Intellect - I am very smart. I know how to think. Sometimes, I use that skill a little too much or not enough, but I still list it as one of my strengths.

Diplomacy - I have the ability to talk to people and relate to them no matter their situation. If I can't relate, I find a way to empathize. I'm generally able to look at all sides of most any situation rather than focusing only on my needs or wants. I know how to go the extra step and consider who else is involved and effected by my decisions. When making decisions, I'm usually able to remove the emotional aspect and base my choice in logic rather than feeling.

Simplicity - My life, in truth, is very simple. I have simple needs and even simple desires. This is a treasure.

Family & Friends - There's so much overlap that I'll just lump these groups together. There are so many in my life who have stood beside me in support, not only recently, but for years on end. I'm eternally grateful for that and need to make it a point to be there for more of these people rather than using them only for my own gain - not that I do this maliciously, but everyone could stand to practice a little more self-awareness.

Responsible - I know that I and no other am responsible for myself. I make my own decisions and am to blame for whatever negativity may come as a result. Many people my age don't seem to have this awareness and it hurts them in the long run.

Imagination - I still have this wonderful gift. I always have and always will, provided it is used regularly and kept in shape like any other muscle.

Emma - Possibly the biggest blessing in recent years, my little sister is an absolute ray of sunshine and my everything. It's amazing that one person can make another feel so strongly. If this feeling of love, of combined ownership and being owned, increases when a person has children of their own, I'm not sure how I'll be able to bear it. One of the surest ways to put a smile on my face is for me to hear her voice and to know that I'm someone important in her young life - not just another face, I'm her Sissy. That title means more to me than anything I could be given by any other.

Well, there's a nice little wrap-up of some of my desires and some of my blessings. Think about some of yours. What are your true, bone deep, soul fulfilling desires? What wants are so strong that they become needs? Count your blessings today. If nothing else, this will ensure you smile once today.

Hemingway Enlightenment

2011-04-04T09:37:00.000-05:00

"We are all apprentices in a craft where noone ever becomes a master." -Earnest Hemingway

This quote is all about humility, which, in my mind, is not nearly common enough these days. Everyone is critical of others, as if convinced they have all the right answers. I've experienced this at all levels in my life; I rarely understand it. As Hemingway points out, though it's likely he's speaking of writing, nobody is ever a master. There's always a boss, a supervisor, someone with more experience and authority. People don't realize this these days; they tend to think no further than themselves and judge others based on their own experiences, which isn't fair.

Here's to humility and remembering that we're all just apprentices sometimes.

I got cast!

2011-03-22T22:29:00.006-05:00

I got a role in the play! I'll be playing the role of Mrs. Winemiller in Summer and Smoke! The read-through tonight was really a lot of fun. We have the next few days off and I have to be completely off book - meaning I know all my lines - by Sunday's rehearsal. I've also got an assignment due next Monday, a test on Thursday, internship things to do, and a work call out at our properties storage Saturday. Time to get back into the swing of things.

School days again

2011-03-21T23:26:00.007-05:00

Went back to classes today after spring break. Time to knuckle down on my internship work; I spent most of my day doing exactly that. Had auditions for summer and Smoke by Tennessee Williams. Cast list will be posted tomorrow. Not sure how well I did yet.

Back to school; relaxing

2011-03-20T10:17:00.006-05:00

Classes start tomorrow. Rehearsals tomorrow night. Time to finish some homework.

I love a parade!

2011-03-19T15:01:00.028-05:00

Today, I went with all the parental units, grandma, and Princess Emma to see a St. Patrick's Day Parade. We headed out early to eat breakfast beforehand. The meal was good, warm and filling. The parade was very nice to watch. There's nothing like the excitement of a four year old to make everybody else get a little more energy themselves. Emma was asking all through breakfast if it was time to go to the parade and when her food was coming.

When it was time, we went outside to watch the parade. Emma loved it, especially the dresses and the horses. Hearing her voice change in pitch as she smiled and said "those horses are so small!" was adorable. It wasn't her first parade, but as she watched it, it was almost like she was seeing everything for the first time. Of course, I had my job during the parade: candy detail. I got to gather the pieces that Emma didn't see or that just hadn't been thrown far enough. When we got home, we divided the spoils.

A parade is a great way to start the day.

Rearranging

2011-03-18T22:41:00.027-05:00

My Mom has always said that when she gets bored, there are only two things to do: rearrange furniture for a change of scenery or dye her hair for a change of looks. She and I spent today defrosting the freezer and, since we had to move it outside anyway to do that, we moved things around in the kitchen and dining room. Princess Emma was with us today and got to play in the water while Mom washed the frost from the freezer. She loved it.

The downside to all the furniture moving was the time it took. The chore took most of the day and we still have a couple of things to get put up. Better yet, my left calf is killing me. I've done some internet research, but don't know what I did to my leg, just that it hurts. A lot.

Pain aside, I like the new look of the kitchen and dining room. We cleared a lot of space and moved a lot of things; it's made the space a lot more comfortable and created more room both around the table and near the refrigerator and freezer.

Spring break is almost over. All in all, I've enjoyed it. I even managed to get some homework done, thankfully. Yeah, to be honest, I'm ready to go back. I miss the routine of school, the regularity of the schedule. On Monday, after I finish my classes and get my director's notebook turned in for Shakespeare (boy is that assignment going to take a while...) I'll be joining the rest of the department in auditioning for roles in our next production, Summer and Smoke.

For the moment, I think I'll revisit an old past time and test my new (used) memory card for my PlayStation. Seems like a good way to spend what is left of the day.

A day with Princess Emma

2011-03-17T11:59:00.018-05:00

Today was spent with Princess Emma while the other parental units went to a doctors appointment. I'd just like to note how proud I am for my own ability to remain productive while entertaining a little girl. It really was a good day; of course, any day spent with Emma is good. how could it not be when I've got a Princess keeping me company?

Lately, Emma has been telling me all about her little red dragon, Ruby. This is the first imaginary friend she's come up with all by herself. It brought back my memories of my own imaginary friends. I'll admit, I was a little older and borrowed from stories I'd read. Falkor, the luckdragon from Michael Ende's The NeverEnding Story, was one of my favorites. Another was Little Bear from The Indian in the Cupboard. I'm so thrilled to see my sister using her imagination. She really has a knack for it.

Flying a Pillow

2011-03-16T21:38:00.000-05:00

I tried to be productive today; really I did! Turns out jet lag got to me instead. I managed to pound out about half a page worth of a cover letter. Not nearly enough. I got another act read out of Hamlet, but still haven't finished the play. I still need to read The Mousetrap for lighting class and will be trying to get Summer in Smoke read by Monday - I doubt that'll happen - so I can be ready for rehearsals that evening.

Instead of all that, I spent a large part of my day trying not to fall asleep and a small but most enjoyable part of my day in the park with my little sister. Getting to the park, on the other hand...

It didn't take much for Other Mom and Princess Emma to convince me I needed a break. I'm not sure whether it was because the jet lag had me functioning way below my usual level or because I wanted to spend time with my sister. I'll be sentimental and chalk it up to option two. So, we loaded up and I hunted a snack before we left, thinking falsely that my exhaustion was caused by a drop in my blood sugar. Yes, this jet lag thing is completely new to me; I didn't recognize it for what it was.

On the way to the park, the car died. Something about an oil leak. A rather massive oil leak. Car's not going anywhere. We call Mom, who comes to get us and ended up joining us on our trip. At the park, I got to help my little sister slide and watch her climb and swing. I also got to fly my kite. I remember owning kites of various kinds since I was about thirteen, if not younger. Thirteen is the number sticking right now in my sleep-deprived brain, so I'll go with it. However, no matter how many kites I owned, I could never get any of them to fly. Of course, we lived in apartments, trailer parks, etc. so flying kites probably wouldn't have been the brightest idea where we were.

This kite, my triangle shaped nylon fabric rainbow kite, actually flew. Not only did it fly, but it made a kind of flapping motion on its own between catching the wind currents to ride. It was amazing. I had a blast.

It also woke me up, but the jet lag set in again with a vengeance. Of course, I didn't know what the problem was until Dad told me this evening after dinner. I hope this passes tomorrow. I feel completely off kilter and really don't need to end up snapping at Princess Emma just because my body thinks it's tired. She doesn't deserve that. Maybe tomorrow we can have a good day emotionally, if nothing else. I'm going to go check my eyelids for cracks. Will try to tackle the to-do list again on the morrow.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz..................

Bad Recipie

2011-03-15T23:49:00.024-05:00

Hm. Friday night was interesting-and I wasn't even there! I opted to skip the karaoke night event in favor of catching up on this blog and working on homework. I don't regret the decision; I needed some productivity and normalcy. Funny thing is, what happened didn't even during a convention event!

Here's the disclaimer that might keep me from having to delete spam comments. I'm writing about this as someone who was not there. This is here say with my own opinion added. Because this is my blog, I'm allowed to give any opinion I wish. I will not name names, however.

as I heard, a group of Twitter friends got together for dinner and drinks. the met up at a bar in the hotel. at some point, somebody arrived late and got upset because someone else they hadn't had a chance to meet yet had already left the bar. Keep in mind, it's the end of the first day in a jam packed weekend. Most of the people there had had to fly in on Thursday and the entire group was collectively running on little sleep, perhaps as result of decisions to drink. With all these ingredients, I'm not shocked to learn that the person who was upset got a little teary-eyed.

I was surprised to hear that someone else at the table said "If you're going to bring the rest of us down, you can just ******* leave."

They let her go.

Excuse me while I die of embarrassment at how incredibly rude this is to do to someone.

After hearing about that event and watching the others hang out together while drinking, smoking, gossiping, etc. I pretty much decided it was time for me to take care of my own skin. I chose to ignore it and go about my business. I want to enjoy myself while I'm here and I bought the (expensive) convention ticket to attend convention events, not to avoid them.

Because of this decision, I spent a good portion of Saturday fending for myself and loving every minute of it. The people I was sharing a room with chose to sleep in. They missed Leah Gibson's second Q&A as well as Q&As with Patrick Brennan, Gil Birmingham, and Charlie Bewley. So, you know, everything. When I won a $100 gift certificate in a twilight trivia game, they were in the hotel room, as they'd been the entire day, drinking. They showed up in time for the evening's autographs.

That evening, at the formal event organized for some attendees, one of the ladies wanted to go back to the room. I volunteered to accompany since, much like clubs, dances aren't my thing. In truth, I wasn't 100% ready to leave, but not 100% committed to staying put 'til the event ended. Another member of our party insisted that the person who mentioned leaving finish their drink first. I reached over for a taste with no complaints from the drink's owner. As the insisting continued, I took another sip. If the drink has to be finished, fine. It'll be finished. When the drink owner objected, I said hell with it, put the glass back on the table, and grabbed the room key.

I'm sitting in the room with the lights off because there's someone sleeping. The person who wanted to leave the event has yet to show up and I've got the room key, meaning they can't get in unless I open the door. How the hell did I end up getting screwed over in this situation?

Truer words were never spoken

2011-03-14T10:49:00.008-05:00

"Whenever you have a little bit of time for yourself, read a book. Always carry something with characters written on it with you and look at it when no one's looking." -Hojo Soun

I read this quote and think more deeply of the idea of living for your passion, keeping what you are passionate about close to you all the time, no matter what anyone around you says. I want to live for my passion. I won't get dragged into people's real life soap opera style dramas. I want to focus on me.

Volturi,and Nomads, and Wolf Dads oh my!

2011-03-12T01:17:00.024-06:00

Day two was even better than day one. I was flying solo, baby, doing my own thing! I attended all the Q&A sessions and got autographs from every star appearing there. I was really struck by Breaking Dawn's Patrick Brennan, who played Liam. During his Q&A, he sat down on the front of the stage and, at one point, lay back on one arm, totally at ease and relaxed. I loved it!

Leah Gibson did a second Q&A session. I was a little shocked at how empty the room seemed during this time. I was the only person sitting in my row and I was hanging on her every word.

Though I've been teased by some others in my group for this, I don't care. I admit to having some complete and total fangirl moments today. The first came when I won WON a $100 gift certificate in a Twilight trivia game. I'd participated in the first round on Friday, but got eliminated after about five questions. I was expecting the same this time, but I WON! I was eliminated in the next round, meaning I didn't get to double my winnings, but that's fine. I can use the gift certificate for merchandise the vendors are selling, meaning I can get some of the things I've been looking so hard at all weekend and it won't cost me anything!

Fangirl moments two and three came during the autograph sessions. Charlie Bewley, who plays the Volturi tracker Demetri, smiled at me and called me "sweetheart" after he signed my notebook. I melted! As if that wasn't enough, Gil Birmingam told me about a Native American tribe that has my name and Patrick Brennan called me "love." Again with the melting!

I really don't care about the teasing. Nobody else in my particular group got called sweetheart or love. Besides, I'm allowed to fangirl as much as the next person. Everybody gets a little starstruck sometimes.

Vampires!!!

2011-03-11T00:29:00.041-06:00

The first day of the Official Twilight Convention in Nashville was so much fun! This is the first event like this I have ever attended. I've already decided I'd love to do so again, maybe as a volunteer.

The convention hosts, Hillary and Hannah Hindi of The Hillywood Show, were gracious and very welcoming. Leah Gibson, who plays Nettie in Eclipse, was graceful and a true lady. Very sweet! She had one question and answer session today and is scheduled for another one tomorrow. I found her to be very down to earth and very real.

Nikki Reed, who plays Rosalie Hale, is just inspiring. She quit smoking two years ago in effort to become a better role model and take better care of herself. She admitted in Q&A that these choices changed her relationships with a few fellow cast members. Boy, do I know how that feels! I never thought something so simple as a Twilight convention could bring me to so many realizations about myself.

I've noticed that everyone eventually finds a group of friends, like minded individuals they spend most of their time with. I can't help but feel that I'm still looking for my group. I know I'll find it someday.

Fan-girl moment: in her Q&A session, Nikki Reed answered a question I had submitted. I asked for advice she might give a student actor. She was honest about it, with the first words out of her mouth. "Run. Run far away very quickly." She then went on to talk about what an inconsistent business it is, with no guarantee of a paying job from day to day unless you luck out and hit it big-and even then it doesn't last forever. Of course, as she continued, she spoke of passion; doing what you love and loving what you do. It was so amazing to get such clear cut advice from someone who is actually working professionally in my field of interest.

Nikki & Leah, you are both beautiful, talented women!

Truths Taught in Bars

2011-03-10T00:16:00.049-06:00

Today, I went to Nashville with my neighbor, Nessa, for the weekend. No, I'm not mad about country music. We took this trip to attend a Twilight convention. It lasts all weekend and everything starts tomorrow. I'm excited, which is a nice change from the plane ride. Well, just airport security, really.

No, I wasn't sneaking anything onto the plane. I simply hadn't set foot on a plane since '98 on a trip to New York City. I was with my parents during that trip and travelling as a minor. Very different experience. For this trip, things did go very smoothly. The flight didn't feel as long as it really was, maybe because there was no real change of scenery from the inside of the plane.

After we landed, I got to meet some people I know from twitter. It was pretty cool-and very interesting. The person who picked us up was hyped up on caffeine and energy drinks. I think she might be more ADD than me. I have learned that she's a partier, while I am not. Our first night in Nashville, we went to Coyote Ugly.

God, I am so not a bar person. Yes, I enjoyed it, but its really not my scene. The experience was interesting, sitting directly under a speaker mounted above the bar. Once my budgeted alcohol money ran out, I spent most of my time looking for a quiet corner where there was none. One of the ladies in the group I was with danced on the bar quite a bit. Again, fun to watch. Highly amusing. Still not my scene.

I know it might sound like I'm doing nothing but complain. I really don't want or mean for it to come across that way, honest. It truly was a uniquely fun experience-just one that lasted a little too long for my tastes. Besides that, quite simply, it sucks having to walk out of a bar after a good four hours, at least, and know you're stone sober. Coaxing people who can't walk straight or prying a couple of strangers apart from where they've attached at the lips isn't my idea of a good time. Despite this, I did find out that cinnamon whiskey tastes pretty damn good, though I can only really handle it a shot at a time.

Convention starts tomorrow. I'm so excited!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-09T10:24:00.003-06:00

Confidence Sells

2011-03-07T09:46:00.014-06:00

"Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell 'em "Certainly, I can!" Then get busy and find out how to do it." -Theodore Roosevelt

This is a statement I've heard a lot, though not always in this exact way. In the theater dept, our professors always stress to us that we need to help out around the building all the time. The point of this is to get word out that the theater students will help out anyone. The idea of it is, I would guess, to make us look better around campus.

I also follow this within the department myself. I'll volunteer for a job and then figure out how it needs to be done. As they say, confidence sells.

Guilty Pleasures

2011-03-06T20:26:00.002-06:00

I've spent this evening watching my favorite musical of all time - Les Miserables. Last year, the musical celebrated it's 25th anniversary. What I'm watching is one of three celebratory performances, this one filmed at London's O2 Theater. The three performances all took place in the first days of October 2010, all in London theaters. This was a first in theater history, three performances running simultaneously in the same city. This also took the play back to the city that saw the very first performance.

When it comes to Les Mis, I will proudly admit that I'm a snob. It's the first musical I remember seeing live at a professional venue. I own about five copies of the soundtrack on CD and a VHS recording of a performance. Most of the CDs and the one VHS are all of the 10th anniversary "Dream Cast" edition, which came out when I was eight. This cast consisted of the creme de la creme. For each role, they cast the person who, in the last ten years, had done the best in that part. In the lead role was Colm Wilkinson, a brilliant Irish-born singer best known for playing Jean Val Jean. I'm fairly certain he was the Val Jean I saw when I saw the show live.

Now, with five years of experience in educational theater, I'm noticing a lot more about this 25th anniversary performance- other than the differences in casting from one production to another. I've seen several intelligent fixtures lighting the stage, moving on their own based on the programmed cues. I do see some similarities that prove what I've heard so much in class-some things in theater are maintained over time simply because of tradition. I'm noticing this in costumes more than anything. Enjolras is always in a red vest with gold brocade. Monsieur Thenardier and his wife both wear blue, as does young Cosette. The students are always clad in earth tones.

Of course, at the end of the day, I still love the musical, no matter who's singing it. Below is a video of Colm Wilkinson, THE Jean Val Jean, in another iconic Broadway role, The Phantom of the Opera, followed by a video from Jesus Christ Superstar. Please enjoy "Music of the Night" and "Gethsemane."

Visiting the Classics

2011-03-05T16:34:00.001-06:00

I read a lot. Any chance I get, really. Of course, during the semester, my free time to read diminishes significantly in favor of academia related reading. A lot of that reading is good, of course-Macbeth, Henry V, The Mousetrap, etc.-but there's nothing like reading a good piece of literature and knowing I won't have to analyze and dissect it afterward. This semester, I'm visiting some classics.

The first one I picked up was originally read for school. I simply couldn't keep up with the rest of the class when we read Gone With the Wind. I hadn't really been exposed to it before, so I knew nothing about the story. As a result of the forced march reading style the class demanded-I remember having to read four chapters in one night to catch up-I didn't take to the book or it's characters on my first read-through. Some parts of it were over my head. I found Scarlett O'Hara to be stereotyped heavily, a flat character, always the spoiled child pouting to get her way. Why was she the heroine of this story? Why had the story lasted so long?

A year passed before I could pick the book up again. Visiting it on my own terms, within my own schedule, made all the difference. With the ability to go back and re-read passages as often as I wanted, to linger over some, I finally fell in love with the book. I truly saw, for the first time, every sign of Rhett's care for Scarlett. I saw every small change in the Southern belle as she was forced to face the real world. I watched the characters grow and evolve. It has since become a favorite, though one I only pick up when I have the time to dedicate to reading it.

Another that was more of an instant favorite was Watership Down. Richard Adams was brilliant in his writing, taking simple creatures-rabbits-and inventing them an entire culture, with its own myths and legends. I've made the journey with Hazel, Bigwig, Fiver, and all the rest countless times and have loved it more each time. Anyone who hasn't read this book needs to because it is spectacular.

My most recent acquisition in the area of classic literature has much the same story, for me, as Gone With the Wind did. In all honesty, the whole reason I picked up The Grapes of Wrath was because the book I was reading I had left in the car. I looked to my bookshelf and considered before spotting The Grapes of Wrath and thinking to myself I'd never read it before. I grabbed it, taking a chance. So far, I'm only on chapter six and I've completely fallen in love. The simple wording Steinbeck uses makes the images he paints all the more vivid. He doesn't waste words; I appreciate that immensely.

Still, wordy or not, I love most of the literature I've picked up. I wonder what I'll be reading next.

The Show Must Go On

2011-03-04T16:11:00.001-06:00

Some kind of bug seems to be circling the theater department. It sure has led to some interesting performances. During our tech run, one actress was on a no speaking/singing restriction because she'd lost her voice. The restriction was maintained until her voice returned, which was before opening night-and what a beautiful voice it is. Another actor was in the green room before the show last night, drinking hot tea and sucking cough drops. One of the spot ops was sick last night as well-his call was adjusted so he could show up right before curtain and leave immediately afterwards to go home and rest. If they could've found someone to take his place during the show, he wouldn't have had to come in at all.

Things like this happen a lot in the theater, which can be particularly troublesome at times. My school doesn't employ the practice of casting understudies. Why? No idea, but there are a lot of reasons I can come up with including a limited number of students in the department, costume complications that would stem from having to fit two people for one role, and the fact that an understudy might not have to appear onstage at all for the entire run of any given show. I've heard some interesting stories and witnessed a few as well; all of them just increase the idea that the show must go on.

Once, an actress got her nose accidentally broken onstage during a performance. I wasn't present to witness this one; I believe it happened one year during summer stock. As I recall, she finished her lines and got off stage to stem the bloodflow.

I've seen actors and actresses work through sore throats, sprains, strains, migraines, colds, and every shock, ache and pain you could possibly imagine. Once, an actress had to get her costume and blocking adjusted when she hurt her elbow a few days before a play opened. She played her roles, including two costume changes during the show, wearing a sling with her arm as immobile as possible.

There are times I have to admire the other students I work with. I'm glad I share their determination. No matter the cost, the show must go on.

Facing Fears

2011-03-03T17:30:00.001-06:00

I love my work in the theater department at school. Painting, sewing, acting, lighting, sound-if I'm honest with myself, I really am happy with any and all of it. Complaints mainly stem from exhaustion, my own failings at time-management, and things that don't make sense to my scattered, but logical mind. For our latest show, which has run this week and closes Saturday, I am running a spotlight. This is an easy enough job, to the untrained eye, and a fairly simple job once a person knows what they're doing. I've acted as spot op for two other shows, so I'm confident of my skills. However, for this show, I had another obstacle to face.

The spotlights and, of course, their operators are located on the fourth catwalk, high above the audience. This means...ladders.

Ladders have always made me nervous, as have heights. Of course, it didn't take me long to figure out the height wasn't my big probem. It was, in fact, the ladders to the catwalk. Once I was up there, I was fine. The catwalk is solid enough and doesn't sway like crazy or anything; there are rails on either side at different heights, used as hand holds and light hang locations as need demands for each production. Logically, the catwalk is perfectly safe so long as nobody hangs off it or something equally stupid. No, my hang-up was entirely with the ladders.

I'm very cautious when it comes to ladders. I climb no higher up than absolutely necessary and always keep as many of my limbs connected to the ladder as possible. Both hands, both feet, always in contact with a rung until my feet find solid ground again. Logically, I know the fear and know exactly where it stems from. It's the spaces between the rungs that worry me. All it would take is one mis-step, after all.

Of course, the show must go on. When we were hanging lights before tech weekend, it took me twice as long to get down the ladders as it took getting up them and I took more time than anyone getting to the catwalks. During the tech runs of the show, I had a flashlight with me that I could turn on to make my way back downstairs after the show. Now, with two tech runs, a dress rehearsal, and opening night down, I'm not as nervous as I was.

Am I going to be speed walking along the catwalks any time soon? Sliding down the ladder or skipping rungs? Going down a ladder with a lighting instrument in one hand? I doubt it. Maybe that last one, if I have to. I never thought theater, something I love helping out with and being involved in, could help conquer a fear.

ADD & Loving it!?

2011-03-02T15:12:00.001-06:00

I love this PBS show. Very informative and amusing. Check out the trailer here.

The Truth of ADD

2011-03-01T14:29:00.006-06:00

I found this video and decided to post it. This guy has a pretty good, clear-cut idea of what ADD is like, probably because he has it as well. He made some really good points. Video used without permission.

Challenges

2011-02-27T10:36:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I was reminded how much I love the theater. It was tech weekend - the last minute scramble to get everything set up in the weekend prior to opening. Because we're doing a smaller show, things were much more laid back than usual. I spent a large part of my day helping set up a huge flat. First, we had to get it off the ground and get sawhorses under it so we could install hardware to hang it over the stage. Then, it got covered with black duvateen, a fabric some people might mistake for velvet, and was eventually hung overhead. The flat in question was taller than the proscenium arch. Huge. It was an interesting job that helped prove a simple fact - work expands to fill time allotted.

Time during tech weekends is always fluid. Sometimes it drags, like when waiting for lunch. Other times, it moves too fast and a job is finished earlier than you thought or complications have shown up to make the job last longer. During shows, things are more structured and everything moves into a routine. A part of me is looking forward to that routine.

As a change in my own routine, my mom has offered me a challenge. For the entire month of March, I am going to try and blog every day, at least once a day. Mom's incentive is simple: she's threatening to take away my bedroom. I hope everyone will keep reading and see if I can meet this goal! Wish me luck!

No Electricity

2011-02-02T14:02:00.000-06:00

Was it a wild party? Was there alcohol involved? Did she play D&D while drinking and tweeting way into the early morning hours and fall asleep while driving her car and run into an electric pole in front of her house? No. Sorry, nothing so great. The electric company decided to shut of power during the coldest winter in 20 years to keep from having a blackout. Brilliant people turn off peoples heat source when it is 12 degrees outside. Makes sense, no not at all. Hopefully power will be restored soon and she will be able to post again. Until then, best wishes and I hope you stay warm.
jenjo3d @ Rants and Raves

When sayings aren't just sayings...

2011-01-27T14:23:00.000-06:00

This time last week, I had a day that went down the toilet. Literally. How, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

My car, the sad looking rustbucket of an '86 Mustaang that is my favorite of the cars I've owned, had to have some repairs done. When the car's as old as this one, and had been pre-owned, it kind of happens. While waiting for my brakes to get fixed, I was using my grandma's truck. It ran nicely, was newer than my 'Stang, and, best of all, had a working heater. Not that I'm totally freezing in Johnny 5 (the Stang) but it was an added benifit.

So, scene set. I'm using grandma's truck to get to and from school and anywhere in between. I hit a lull in the day between my classes and rehearsal that evening, so I decided to go to WalMart and spend some of my refund check. I wanted to get a netbook (which I'm typing on right now, coincidentally enough) and had decided now was the best time. I did already have the cash. As I walked into the store, I made a quick stop in the bathroom.

Automatic flusher. Coat pocket too big.

Yes.

The keys to my GRANDMOTHER'S TRUCK took an unexpected dunk.

Despite the handicapped assistance keyring on it, a piece of plastic as long as my hand designed to make turning the key easier -

THE KEYS WENT DOWN THE TOILET!!!!!

I was, needless to say, in a complete panic. I remember staring, dubfounded, frozen, one hand stretched out to pluck the keys from the water - until the moment they got sucked down. Oh god... I was going to die.

Somehow, I kept myself together and, calmly enough, got some help from customer service.

Wait - did I say help? Yeah, wrong word.

Apparently, their plumbing system is too extensive for there to be any hope of anything to be retrieved once it's been swallowed. This, of course, meant I had to face my other fear - telling my grandmother I had lost the only key I had to her truck. the same key I needed to get back into the vehicle, never mind make it back to school for rehearsal.

SO not my day.

Ever the chicken, I took a roundabout route to my confession of being double crossed by the forces of gravity. I called my mom instead. She, in turn, called the grandparents.

Thank god they have good senses of humor.

They laughed. I calmed down and practiced some retail therapy while waiting for them to come, a cavalry of sorts, to bring me the spare key. The, not a, as they were careful to remind me in their ribbing. Needless to say, I took them seriously and kept the new key attached to my beltloop rather than trust my pocket. I also checked to make sure it was still there at least three times during that evening's rehearsal at school.

The true irony of this story? 1. The store was sold out of the netbook I wanted, seriously minimizing my opportunity at retail therapy. 2. My grandpa, a retired Navy Chief, talked to the management, the district, and possibly then some. I'm not sure how far up the corporate ladder of WalMart he climbed, but he got them to pull the toilet to search for grandma's key in the trap directly under the bowl. You know, after they told me they couldn't do anything to help me.

As I heard later, they found a couple sets of keys.

Not a one of them was my grandma's.

100 Facts About Me

2011-01-18T07:00:00.269-06:00

A new trend has hit the RP community on Twitter: posting 100 facts about RL - real life, the person behind the character. As some may imagine, this can really boost a person's tweet count. I also thought it would make for an interesting blog entry, so here I go!

1. I'm left handed.

2. I have ADD and wasn't diagnosed until college.

3. I've worn glasses since I was in third grade.

4. I've never been able to wear contacts; I just can't get them in my eyes. Of course, the only time I tried was in middle school. Maybe I could do it now.

5. I love writing. It is my passion. I have always identified myself as a writer.

6. I love animals and have always owned pets. I spent two summers in middle school as an intern of sorts with a veterinarian.

7. At one time, I owned thirty-eight pets, all in a trailer house. The tally was: five fish in a 50 gallon tank, three jumbo sized rats (best rodents EVER!), two to seven mice (worst rodents ever; hard to identify sex), three to five hamsters of various types, two gerbils we wanted to get rid of - those bastards bite, a ferret I wish we still owned, four dogs, three cats, a guinea pig, two finches, two parakeets, a cockatoo, a beta fish, and two rabbits.

8. I love wearing sweaters. Mom used to have to box up my sweaters every summer because if she didn't, I'd keep on wearing them,

9. I didn't like Pepsi until my senior year of high school. A senior class trip to Medieval Times had me drinking the only soda they had, Pepsi, and I found out I actually enjoyed it as my taste buds had changed.

10. I'm a dog person. Always have been.

11. After high school, I briefly enlisted in the US Navy. It didn't work out; I only made it through three weeks of the eight week boot camp. The "mind games" were just too much for me to take. Those were easily the longest three weeks of my life.

12. I arrived at boot camp the day before Thanksgiving and made it home in time to celebrate Christmas.

13. I've been in two relationships that lasted longer than a year. Only one was sexual and it was with a woman.

14. I'm an incredibly logical person and pride myself on that fact.

15. I've been likened to an absent minded professor and am completely okay with that comparison.

16. I have to, HAVE to, have at least six and a half hours sleep to function properly through the day. Five hours to function at all.

17. The fastest way to get me to speak up, be assertive, etc. is to put me with a misbehaving child. I expect obedience from them and make sure I get it. I'm actually pretty good with kids, or believe myself to be.

18. I have automatonophobia, an illogical fear of automatons, wax figures, humanoid robots, or other figures designed to represent humans. I discovered this fear while touring a mental health museum that had once been a hospital. The two rooms Mom and I were standing between housed over two dozen wax figures and the display on phobias was down the hall. Pretty ironic timing.

19. I enjoy studying and researching. In eighth grade, I researched the Holocaust for an entire year simply to learn exactly how Hitler came into power because someone else wanted to know.

20. I've leash trained all my dogs by myself and walk them, on average, two miles a day

21. I was in the same school district from second grade through ninth grade.

22. I like red hair on guys and girls. Five of my previous partners have been red-heads.

23. I got a tattoo when I was twenty-one. It's on my left calf, about the size of my palm. It's a Celtic heart design based on a necklace I own. I decided on the tat when I was sixteen and it took five years for the money to get saved up and a fair price to be found. I've never regretted it and now want to get inked again.

24. I got my bellybutton pierced when I was sixteen, didn't keep it clean, and had it re-done about a year ago.

25. When I got my bellybutton re-done, I got my left eyebrow pierced as well. I wasn't told it would hurt to go through the scar tissue of my bellybutton until it was too late.

26. I've had my ears pierced since I was a baby. I don't wear earrings often at all.

27. I'm allergic to most metals and can only wear jewelry that's sterling silver, 24K gold, plastic, or titanium. Makes shopping for jewelry hell. This allergy was the reason my first bellybutton piercing was unsuccessful - I was allergic to the surgical steel.

28. I've had my hair cut almost in a buzz - all I had was bangs and the rest was cut down to maybe a quarter inch I think?

29. I have hypoglycemia, which is the exact opposite of diabetes. Whereas a diabetic's body can't make insulin, my body can't make glucose/blood sugar as well.

30. I used to have asthma.

31. I was born three months premature. I was 2 pounds 1 1/4 ounces and was 12 inches long.

32. The first letter I learned was 'E.'

33. Because I had to have needles stuck in my heels as a baby for blood tests, I still walk on my toes more often than my heels.

34. I played clarinet from sixth grade through high school and need to pick it up again.

35. I was in marching band in high school and loved it.

36. I still like some kids shows, specifically Arthur, Wishbone, and Reading Rainbow.

37. I love the 90s Nickelodeon shows and miss them all.

38. My favorite book has always been The Neverending Story by Michael Ende. The movies don't do it justice in the slightest.

39. I love re-reading books, something that completely baffles my mother.

40. I enjoy drawing, but have no significant skill at it.

41. I know how to dress for my body and can easily transition, wearing completely different looks from day to day. Despite this, I prefer comfortable clothes and classic cuts. My standard look is still jeans and t-shirts, though I am pulling some nice blouses into my look instead of the t-shirts.

42. One of the weirdest shows I've watched and enjoy watching regularly is Taboo. It, too, grosses my mother out. I like learning about the perspective other people, cultures, nations, etc. have on some every day things like death, marriage, coming of age ceremonies, etc.

43. I've got a pretty quick wit and a well-developed sense of humor and sense of sarcasm. It normally takes time for me to relax enough for people to see this.

44. I've recently gotten hooked on the game Sudoku.

45. I like reality tv shows that teach things. Taboo, My Strange Addiction, Project Runway, Top Chef, Intervention, Solitary, etc.

46. One of my favorite genres of music is showtunes.

47. I love being in the water, but can't swim.

48. I can grow my nails (fingers and toes) fairly long. My toenails have actually gotten so long in the past that I've cut my toes.

49. I've never bitten my nails.

50. A habit I've done most of my life is often thought to be biting my nails. I'm actually running the smooth edge of my nail across my top lip. Mom tells me I've done it since I was a toddler.

51. When I was young, a stranger creeped into our apartment, climbed over two of my sleeping brothers, and moved to me. I woke up and screamed, scaring whoever it was off before anything happened. From that day to this, I refuse to sleep in a bed that's pushed against a window.

52. I fall asleep and wake up in the same position every night/morning - fetal position, right side, facing a wall.

53. I do move in my sleep and always have except for times when I'm exhausted.

54. The only time I nap during the day is when I'm sick. It's usually one of the most telling signs that I'm sick.

55. I run a low grade fever. Any time I'm sick, my temperature 99% of the time sits squarely on 96.8 degrees exactly.

56. My favorite flowers are sunflowers and thistles. For the more typically "romantic" flowers, I like peach and yellow roses to red.

57. As a little girl, I once stepped on a burning cigarette butt.

58. I've never had to have surgery.

59. My boxer's fracture (described above) was the first time I broke a bone. Since then, I've broken both little toes. No major breaks yet.

60. When I'm feeling nauseous, I try to get sick because I feel better afterward.

61. I love going to art museums and have been doing so since I was around age four.

62. I love interactive science museums and would love to go to one now at age twenty-three.

63. Every car I've had including my first has been pre-owned.

64. The first car I bought with my own money died in the same month I made the last payment.

65. Every car I've owned has been a Ford. I'm beginning to sense a pattern.

66. I've never owned a car made in the same decade I was living in at the time I owned the car.

67. I didn't get my license until I was eighteen.

68. At twenty three, I still carry my under twenty one license because it hasn't expired yet.

69. I passed out in the Capitol building, under the rotunda, because I locked my knees while we were listening to the tour guide.

70. I've been to NYC twice, but didn't get to do many touristy things. Mom and dad were on a talk show.

71. I've traveled to Mexico on a mission trip with my youth group.

72. I once saved up money to pay for half of a VCR I wanted. My parents agreed to pay the other half. My allowance at the time was $2 per week and I saved every penny once we made our deal.

73. Our electricity went out at the stroke of midnight Jan. 1, 2000. I freaked out.

74. I don't gross out easily at all. At home, I'm the one who gets to clean up bodily fluids from people and pets and I once worked as an aide in a nursing home.

75. Through my life, I've tended to hit trends later than everyone else. I think the only ones I hit while they were still huge were Pokemon cards, Pogs, and Beanie Babies.

78. I still own all three of the above collections. I think I have a Furby somewhere too. My GigaPets/Tamagotchis/NaNo Pets have all gone away.

79. I've studied the religion of Wicca and have managed my own personal blend of beliefs between this and Christianity.

80. I raised goats for FFA shows my freshman and sophomore years of high school.

81. I got out of FFA and my dream of being a veterinarian when our move and my change of schools led to ag classes where nothing was taught.

82. I've only changed my major once in college, moving from English to Theater after my first year of school.

83. I started school in Fall of 06. If all goes as it should, I'll graduate in Fall of 11.

84. I've only been suspended from school once and it happened in college. This episode was what led to my diagnosis of ADD.

85. I took ballet and gymnastics classes as a very young child. Because of finances, I had to stop.

86. I don't like the cold at all. Winters are no fun.

87. My learning style is kinesthetic, visual, then auditory. First, I remember things that involve movement, then what I've seen, then what I've heard. Sometimes, when taking tests, I will picture my notes in my mind and can tell exactly what the page with the needed info on it looks like.

88. I don't wear jewelry often. When I do, I will generally pick specific pieces that I'll wear for days, weeks, months at a time.

89. One of my favorite classes was creative writing in seventh grade.

90. I've participated in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) every year since 2006 but have never made it to the halfway mark on the required word count. The closes I got was this past year.

91. I've always named my cars. Current vehicle, my 86 Ford Mustang is Johnny Five.

92. I'm incredibly diplomatic by nature. This drives a lot of people nuts.

93. I'm stubborn and I know this doesn't help me. I don't always gain all the knowledge I need before considering myself a "pro."

94. I throw and hit better with my right hand than my left.

95. Fuck is my favorite swear word. I started swearing at age sixteen.

96. I like food fights. They used to be a sort of family tradition and a favorite for birthdays.

97. I don't have the best sense of direction and use landmarks to know where I'm heading.

98. I have to fight to keep weight on my body. Every semester, my weight drops near the end and I have to spend breaks re-gaining weight so that I'm not underweight.

99. I know the alphabet in sign language.

100. My wisdom teeth still haven't come in, though I'm missing teeth in the back, upper row on both sides, which I hope will mean my wisdom teeth can grow in.

McLinkyMonday - Limitations For All

2011-01-17T11:53:00.003-06:00

Following my Mom's example, I'm joining the McLinky Monday fun over at Real Housewives of Oklahoma. I thought it would be interesting to write up five things I can't do anymore - it didn't seem like a blog subject many 23 year olds would be taking part in.

1. Ride a scooter - I remember my old Razor scooter, Silver. I named him after the big rusty bike "Stuttering Bill" Denborough owned in Stephen King's It, which, of course, was taken from the Lone Ranger's horse. I used to zip all over on Silver, who was a fine replacement from the bike I never did learn to ride (can't even ride a bike now.) I loved Silver - even after the day I took a too steep hill too fast and tried to hit the brake. Over I went, falling off a platform that was, maybe, three inches off the ground. I broke my fall with my hand and got a boxer's fracture. On my left hand. The hand I write with. I kept Silver for a few years after that, but I don't think I rode him nearly as much after that fall.

2. Write as freely - When I was younger, when I wanted to write, I grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote. Nothing more, nothing less. I just wrote whatever. These days, I analyze things half to death and, more often than not, talk myself out of my ideas or get too critical of my own writing skills. Is the idea good enough? Can I write it? Why should I write it? Can I finish it? Will I finish it? I miss the old freedom.

3. Walk in grass - I know a lot of people are scratching their heads, so let me explain. I remember the last day I could freely walk in the grass barefoot. I was over at the little park in the trailer park we lived in at the time. I and my brothers, boys I've known for nineteen or twenty years and grew up with, spent the entire day running around, rolling down a hill in the grass, everything. It was so much fun. Until the next day. My face was red and swollen, a rash all down my arms and legs. As it turned out, I had been bitten by chiggers and was highly allergic. I had to spend a week out of school and go on steroids for the reaction to pass and the swelling to go down. From that day to this, I only go through grass if I'm wearing shoes, socks, and pants or won't be in it long. I can't even sit in the grass. Yes, it was only one outbreak, but I don't want to go through that again, so I don't risk it.

4. Make birthdays a big deal at school - In elementary school, a birthday that fell during the week was awesome. Even in middle school, birthdays were pretty cool. You got cake or cupcakes and a small party in the middle of the school day. Some of my favorite teachers would even get me small presents that they knew I would like. College? Forget it. Of course, college birthdays mean people get to buy you drinks. That's even better.

5. Goth look - I did the goth look in high school and blew my little town out of the water. I enjoyed it, despite the stupid comments. "Whoa! You're goth? Are you a Satanist?" "Um...I'm wearing a black t-shirt that says 'Fueled by Christ Alone.' Can't you read?" "You're wearing all blue today. Are you a blue goth?" "There's no such thing as a blue goth. My black jeans were all dirty and I happened to grab a blue t-shirt." "You can't be gothic and Christian!" "They're clothes, moron!" Yeah, that was...fun. These days, as a theater major, I've changed my thinking. Now, black clothes are not for daily wear - they're for backstage work. Only. That's why I buy black dye for my jeans, why I prefer black long sleeved shirts with no logos or decals on them. Black clothes mean work.

And there it is. My five things I can no longer do.

Life Goes On

2011-01-12T16:09:00.000-06:00

Hello, my pretty pretty blog! I promise I'm not forgetting you on purpose! *brushes dust off main page* Okay, so it's been a while. Scrolling through, I see that I'm averaging, at best, two entries a month, if that. Wow, that's gotta change. ANYway.

Those of you who have been reading my Mom's blog might already have an idea of what's been going on. Good news: Dad's back on his feet, hobbling a little, after having all his toenails removed. I have pics of the cleaning process while everything was still healing. Not so good news: Grandma had a mild heart attack on, of all days, her birthday. She ended up in the hospital for two weeks and have to go through bypass surgery. I was in charge of the house for that time and, honestly, I think I did a better than average job of keeping things in order considering the suddenness with which everything happened. Mom, Dad, and Grandma made it home yesterday evening. Grandma has had to quit smoking after about 50 years and she's on oxygen right now, which she doesn't like at all.

Now that everyone's back home, Mom and I are working on getting the house back in order. School will be starting for the spring semester on the 18th. It's my senior year. I think it just might kill me. Lol. I'm taking a full 18 hour course load this semester with only two theater classes, three if you count Improv. My classes include: lighting design, Spanish, business and professional speaking, Shakespeare, Improv, and Texas government. In addition to that, I've been continuing my internship research in hopes that I can get an internship for this summer. I won't graduate until my internship is completed, so it is very important that I'm able to do it this summer so that I'm not held up an entire year.

In other news, I'm determined to try and blog more often. I've also been continuing some of last semester's work to improve my physical appearance, the way I carry myself, etc. and have managed to develop a little more awareness of that, I hope. With all the work I have this semester, keeping up with all that too just might be nothing short of a miracle. Wish me luck!

My inner need

2010-12-10T22:10:00.000-06:00

"I learned that you should feel when writing, not like Lord Byron on a mountain top, but like a child stringing beads in kindergarten - happy, absorbed and quietly putting one bead on after another." ~Brenda Ueland

Wow, do I ever know this feeling. When I'm writing, really writing, I'm into it, even if the words I'm stringing together don't make sense. Editing is step two, after all. Sometimes, I'll only manage a paragraph, like last night when I wrote less than ten sentences in a story that currently has no direction. Still, it felt good to write that little bit of words before I rolled over to sleep. Kind of like this blog. It's short, it's quick, and it's a way to get the thoughts out of my head and onto the page where they belong.

"I can’t help but to write, I have a inner need for it. If I’m not in the middle of some literary project, I’m utterly lost, unhappy and distressed. As soon as I get started, I calm down." ~Kaari Utrio

Keeping up

2010-12-05T11:32:00.000-06:00

November has come and gone. My final word count on my novel was 22,117 which is more than I've managed any other year I've participated. Most of that was written in the first two weeks, including the time spent working on the last play of the semester. I'm proud of what I accomplished.

School has been insanely busy and it seems like everyone's getting sick. I know this is a problem just about everywhere, but it's not helped by the fact that students in the theater department tend to spend so much more time together. I'm sure I've been spreading my share of ick, though I know my cough and sore throat is nothing more than sinus drainage. I've come close to losing my voice a few times and am sick of being sick. Having a sore throat and occasional muscle aches does make acting class more difficult. The professors keep stressing that we all need to get more rest. I'm just trying to keep on top of the workload.

I've taken my yoga final, which gives me one less class to attend twice a week and one less thing to worry about. Now, I've just got to make it through the last week or so of class and then get through finals. I can't wait for Christmas break.

November Noveling Again

2010-11-03T06:11:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's November, and yes, I'm making another attempt at NaNoWriMo. For those who may not have known, November is National Novel Writing Month. Participants number in the hundred thousands and live all over the world with ages ranging from young teens to 50s+. They all have one goal: write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. I've been attempting NaNoWriMo since 2006 and haven't won once. This year, I'm already behind on my word count and missing about two days worth of writing. I also have three weekends out of the month claimed by school or social activities. And I have finals in December.

HOWEVER

None of that matters right now because my characters finally figured out a way out of last night's major league plot curve-ball. It's not that I didn't like the idea of writing about bringing down a major energy drink conglomerate, but giving my main character an addiction to energy drinks 400 or so words in wasn't exactly what I'd envisioned. If she's hooked on energy drinks and following one guy around, how is she supposed to meet and fall in love with the other guy and then start plotting to get him from his girlfriend? Last night, this plan changed to bringing down the evil energy drink conglomerates and their grip on America's youth. Now, I'm back on track and thrilled about it!

Okay, I've got to go build my word count now.

I trust it because it makes no sense

2010-10-17T18:41:00.000-05:00

Lately, my world has been turned upside-down - in, potentially, a good way. I'm questioning a lot of assumptions that've been there for years, things I've thought about myself and the type of people I love. My subconscious mind has been sending signals I can't ignore, so I feel I have to follow them. These feelings are so strong and came on so suddenly that I can't ignore them. I'm going to start walking a new path in my journey through life.

I've suddenly realized there's someone I'm deeply attracted to, attraction on a level I've never reached before with others. I'm hoping to develop a better friendship with this person and, at the same time, break out of my shell a little and get noticed by others. Today, I cleaned out my closet and changed up my wardrobe (yes, part of my motivation for doing this was probably Special Someone.) I only kept a few t-shirts for theater work, a few pairs of jeans that look particularly flattering (read: tight) on me, and other than that it's all slacks, pants, leggings, skirts, dressy tops, and dresses. I've been reading up on good conversational skills, conversation starters, basic body language, etc. I also have all my make-up set out in plain view so I can wear it regularly. I'm trying hard to re-make myself without being fake or becoming someone I'm not.

How do you get people to notice you when you've never really wanted to be noticed before?

Backstage Life

2010-10-06T11:49:00.000-05:00

I'm standing in the Green Room, the domain of the theater students. The room's cleaned pretty often, but never really neat - especially not with a performance lurking an hour an a half away. One of the round tables is littered with glass bottles of different sizes as well as a two liter bottle of off-brand cola, a cylinder of 5 pre-measured containers of off-brand kool-aid mix, a jug of Sunny D, a ziplock bag full of small bottles of food coloring, a bottle of cran-grape juice, and a bottle of sparkling white grape juice. People move freely in and out of the room, a steady flow of traffic as another table slowly gathers items brought for a bake sale and the third table still holds the remains of various quickly-eaten dinners. Some people, half in costume or dressed all in black, lounge on the worn green chairs/couches that line the walls. With black clothing encasing me from wrist to neck to my black steel-toed boots, I'm dressed for backstage work.

We're all hanging out, joking and laughing as I and my prop crew work on mixing drinks. Watered down cola becomes whiskey in one bottle. Some kool-aid and red food coloring turns it into rum in a second bottle. Water from the tap is used for fake vodka. Green powerade becomes absinthe. One or two actors ask what they'll be drinking, if the recipes have changed. They receive samples in shot glasses, which are them washed until they sparkle. Before long, though the drinks are not finished, I have to leave and trust my crew to complete the job. Out of the green room, I move down the hall and through the door marked 'Restricted Access - Backstage Employees Only', walk through the lobby, and into an unmarked door. The spiral staircase carries me up to the booth where I flip switches and start the house music playing.

It's 6:45, fifteen minutes til the gathering audience will be allowed inside the theater. As the music plays (I still haven't flipped the switch that will allow the lobby to hear anything) I run through the show's sound cues, making sure the right sound is coming out of the right speaker at the right volume - "checking levels," to use the technical term. Once I'm sure everything is working, I cut the sound effects, bump the levels (volume) on the house music, and head back downstairs, returning to the green room. I find the stage manager and let her know everything's ready. She heads out to help the light board operator run a dimmer check. Once that's done, the curtain will drop, hiding the set from view. I go to the green room and check on the drinks, reminding actors to check their props - once the show starts, those are no longer my responsibility until Saturday's post-performance strike. Seeing the drinks are underway, I'll claim a chair and open a textbook. This is one of the few chances I'll have this week to get my homework done and I've only got 15 minutes until the house opens. By then I have to be back in the booth.

I spend the show, an hour and a half of each evening from Sunday through Saturday, listening to a mix of dialogue from the stage and the SM's voice, the house manager's voice, the voices of stage-hands, etc. Everything but the dialogue comes in through the headset that wraps snugly around my skull. "Actors, house is now open. You have thirty minutes to places. Please check your props and keep quiet when on-stage." Were the curtain not down, the actors wouldn't be allowed on-stage during this time. Whoever's on headset takes advantage of the half-hour break and we start talking about anything until the house manager from the box office speaks up. "Are you ready to close house in five?" "Yes, ma'am, we're ready. Actors, I have five minutes to places, five minutes to places." (five minutes later, the SM asks for a pause in headset chatter) "Actors to places. Actors, I have places." "Warning, lights and curtain... House lights out. Curtain go. Warning, sound out and light cue 1. Lights go. Sound go." I slowly move the slider on the board down, letting the music fade out. Once it's out, I mute CD1, open the CD player, remove the disc and replace it with another for the end of the show, check that CD2 is muted on the board, check that the player for 2 is on and set to track one, turn back to the board, unmute 2 and wait.

While waiting, my eyes move up the row of buttons and knobs with perfect understanding. The small yellow key labeled mix doesn't need to be hit on row 2, only 1 and 3. Instead, the small keys next to 3 and 4 should be pushed, sending any sound from CD2 through the speakers backstage instead of the ones in the house. I bump the level up to -5 and wait for the SM. "Stand by, sound cue A." My thumb holds down a button on the small box at my waist, the mic close to my mouth. "Standing by." I release the button, making sure not to depress it twice and lock it into the on position, which would cause feedback. The line comes onstage, my cue, but I don't press play until the SM says "Sound cue A, go." At the word go, my body turned away from the board and towards the CD player in a space so narrow I couldn't possibly get a chair between the board in front of me and the bank of switches behind me, I push the play button. The sound lasts two seconds; I push pause as soon as it finishes, turn back to the board, and hit mute over the row that controls CD2. Once it's muted, I make the disc skip to the next track and wait again.

By the end of the week, it's all routine, something I could do in my sleep. I know the lines, the cues, the show, nearly as well as the actors onstage. Still, I never press the play button until the SM says the word "go" because that's just how it's done, how it works. It's one of the unwritten rules of the theater, like calling aloud before you fly something in or out so people know to get out of the way ("Curtain coming in!" "First electrics going out!") or leaving a "ghost light" on backstage once everyone's left the building or, in my department, calling "Hey, Clyde!" anytime you hear a strange noise in the catwalks or a light flickers when it's not supposed to. It's just a part of life backstage.

Now that that show has closed out, a week of performances where this commuter never made it home before 10 pm and then had to finish homework before waking up at 7 the next morning to get to class, I get to explore the acting side of things with our children's show. Once it's finished, I have mid-terms to study for and take, a project to complete for scenic painting class, and have to help paint the set for our third show. Though I didn't get cast in it, I might get to sound design. If not, I have to admit I'll be glad for the break.

ADD Awareness

2010-09-17T11:32:00.001-05:00

Did you know that this whole week has been AD(H)D Awareness Week? I had NO IDEA! WOW! Well, as someone who has Adult ADD, I'll take this opportunity to talk about it a little. Or a lot. We'll see.

A lot of people these days are anti-medication. They prefer to seek out herbal or holistic remedies to their problems, which is fine if that's what you wanna do. If it works for you, more power to you. Reading online has shown me that some people don't consider AD(H)D a disease, that it's something children grow out of, and - somewhat illogical to my mind - that AD(H)D sufferers should meditate rather than medicate. While I agree that AD(H)D is somewhat over-diagnosed in today's schools, I also know that it is a genuine disorder, a chemical imbalance, and not something I'm going to grow out of. Meditation? Sure, I'll just try that.

I sit with my eyes shut, breathing slowly. Briefly, I wonder how stupid I look. Is there some way to communicate to others what I'm doing? Should I put a sign on my door "Meditating - Do Not Disturb"? Okay, that sounds even stupider. By this point, I've lost the rhythm of my breathing. My brain kicks in and starts analyzing something that happened at school, something I forgot to do or something that went really well or something I said that just didn't come out right. How could I have changed the situation? What might it have lead to?

I wonder about tomorrow. What homework haven't I done? What lines do I need to learn for acting class or for a show? Do I know my scene for acting as well as I think I do? What if my scene partner isn't there? In the middle of muttering lines under my breath, I wonder what projects I have to work on. Have I been putting something off til the last minute? Is there something I could get a head-start on? Which projects have I finished? How do I think I did? What could I have done better? What will I have to do on my next project to bring my grade up?

By this point, I've probably opened my eyes and dug out a book. The answers to the above questions, which all came at once, will determine whether I've grabbed a textbook or not. If it's a textbook, I'll put in some real effort...before getting bored and reaching for a different textbook. If it's not a textbook, I'll make myself put it down because I'm supposed to be doing homework. Which assignment should I work on first? Which one will take more time? Which one am I more worried about? Which one's due first? Which one might be graded easier? Time to dig out the planner. And the assignment sheets. And the syllabus for each class. And my script so I can review my lines in those moments where I just can't read another sentence from that dry, dusty textbook. Can't find one syllabus. Damn. Room's a mess, I'll never find it. Need to clean the room, especially if the mess is getting to me. No telling how Mom feels about it. I'm glad she hasn't said anything.

I look around, trying to figure out where to start. The textbooks I'll need later, but they don't need to stay on my bed. I stack them up to go on the desk, but there's a pile of papers there. I have to sort through those first. Then the trash needs taken out. Passing through the dining room, I realize I'm hungry. Need a snack. Dump the trash, head back inside, grab something simple - some candy, an apple, whatever. Fuel for the body. What was I doing? Oh, right. Need to start some laundry before I run out of clothes. Gather up the pile and shove it into the laundry bag, all the while asking myself why the clothes weren't in the bag to begin with. I know why, of course. Lack of follow-through, no habit formed yet. Fill up the laundry bag, digging dirty socks and shorts out of the bottom of the closet and out from under the bed. Put away the clean laundry sitting on the desk chair from mornings of reject outfit after outfit as suitable for the day's expected workload at school.

Since I'm a theater student, it does make a difference some days what I wear. On days I have yoga, I don't need to wear jeans. Some days, I have to wear clothes that I don't mind getting pain all over. I always have to wear/bring close-toed shoes in case I have to do any work in the scene shop. My black pants and shirts need to stay clean for shows where I work backstage and for Improv performances every Wednesday, where I'm a camera operator. Since I commute, this is more of a challenge, as my clothes are generally worn all day. After all, driving to school, going to class, and driving home for a change of clothes only to drive back to school is a waste of gas, even on days I would have the time to do it. Anyway, back to the room cleaning.

I see the food sitting by the tv or where ever I've put it and realize I haven't been eating. Take a few bites. Go to the computer to turn on some music. Dig through playlists to see that nothing overly objectionable is played.(I tend to avoid my Avenue Q playlist any time my three year old sister is visiting or I think guests might be coming by.) Adjust volume so my music isn't heard through the whole house. Adjust it again cause it's too quiet. Switch to a song I want to listen to. Switch again. Stupid shuffle feature not pulling up good songs. Figure out which song I really want to hear and find it; to hell with the shuffle feature. Back to cleaning, singing along.

Dog runs in and jumps on the bed, most likely landing on something I don't want him on. Scold him, then take it back, realizing he doesn't know any better and just wants to see what I'm up to. Pet the dog. Give kisses. Get scratched when he jumps on me. Pet the other one-three dogs who have come in, realizing I'm giving out some love. Pet the cat(s) who have joined. Yell at the dog(s) for chasing the cat(s). Check that the pets have food and water. Finish my snack. Pick up a book. Remember that I'm supposed to be studying and reach for a textbook. God this stuff is boring. Switch the music to a new song. Turn it off. Go to the music channels on the tv and find some classical, which is supposed to help you study better. Back to the boring textbook. Get confused. Go talk to Mom or Dad to try and make sure that what I'm thinking sounds right. Tell them about my day. Remember as I'm talking about another something I'm supposed to be working on. Back to the bedroom.

Find the project/assignment stuck somewhere, already done. Huh. I don't remember doing that. Oh well. One thing off my plate. Shoo cats away from the dish my snack was in; there's nothing left for them. Switch the music to a DVD I've seen millions of times, probably Friends, which I can totally ignore and use as background noise. Open the textbook again. Doodle in the margins of my notebook in the middle of taking notes. Lose my spot. Read the same passage twice. Skip to the next chapter. Remember a possible vocab quiz in another class and start looking for the sheet with the terms on it. Can't find it. Damn!

Time to send some texts. Does anyone in class have the list? Find it, get it, copy it, send eternal thanks to whomever helped me. Remember to thank them in person next time I'm on campus. Mom calls. Dinner time. Go eat. Return to studying. Finally get through the boring chapter of the textbook, understanding nothing. Write down questions to ask the prof. Make note of people to talk to about whatever I'm doing for the latest play. Remember something funny one of them said. Share anecdote with Mom or Dad. Sit and watch tv with parentals, ready to relax some before bed. Grab my laptop & head to twitter or facebook or a RP forum. Remember homework. Start doing research online. See a random update on facebook and react appropriately, whether by offering virtual hugs or commenting or liking or sharing good news with whoever else is in the room, even if they don't know who I'm talking about. Focus on the tv for a while. Remember my earlier attempt to meditate. Whoops. Too late now. Stay on the computer til it's time for bed.

Yeah, that's probably a fairly accurate depiction of the way my mind works. Meditation? Not so much. Though there are days I hate having to swallow a pill, I'll stick with it cause it works. Well, I'll try to stick with it. If I remember.

Busy, busy, busy...

2010-09-17T09:24:00.000-05:00

Well, the semester has started and, as usual, the theater department has hit the ground running. We had auditions the first day of school. I didn't get a part onstage, but I am acting as prop head for the fifth time and getting to run the sound board during the run of the show. By virtue of my scenic painting class, I'm also on the paint crew for, at least, our first two shows. We're laying and painting floor for the first show. Yay... -.-

Though I didn't get a role in our first show, Picasso at the Lapin Agile, I did land the role of a pirate in our Young People's Series production of Peter Pan and Wendy. Though I only have one line, I also get to sing with the rest of the pirates and get to help play the crocodile. Tech weekend for the first show is next weekend and I'm already foreseeing a lot of work to get all the props ready in time. Thank god I've got a good sized prop crew this time around. I just have to open up the lines of communication and see who's working and who's not. Going to work on that today.

The week following tech is, of course, performance week for our first show. I'll be spending my evenings up in the booth, listening for cues from the stage manager and praying no props get broken since I won't be able to run downstairs to help fix them. The parental units got season tickets again, of course, and are going to our Friday shows this year. Last year, they came to our closing night performances, but I never really got to see them since we strike everything immediately following the final show. This year, we'll be able to hang out afterward, if the show doesn't run too long. Yay!

Once the first show closes, we've got a week to pull everything together before Peter Pan. It performs during the day to usually full houses of local elementary school students and opens on Saturday for the public. One perk of being involved in a children's show is not having to attend class the week of performance. I'll have to make up whatever work I miss, of course, but that will really only effect government.

Yes, on top of a solid month of working on shows, I also have to keep up with my classes. Sometime around the time Peter Pan closes and our third show gears up, we'll have mid-terms in most classes. I'm not always sure how I keep up with everything, but I've managed it for four years now. I know I must love it, otherwise I would've dropped all of it long ago. See you on the other side of the chaos, readers! :)

School Daze

2010-09-01T14:36:00.000-05:00

I am so glad to get back into the routine of school! Of course, that also means I'm already sick of it - even after three days! Go figure. Oh well. Risk of boredom aside, things are going well. I'm thrilled to be back with the theater department, back to class, and all the rest of it. Commuting isn't all that bad; I'll have no problem adjusting to it at all. I actually like being able to go home each night, getting to touch base and return to my family, my pets, my belongings, etc. I think it keeps me more organized.

Classes are going well so far, especially since nothing's been graded yet, which means I'm technically making As in all my classes. :) I won't say no to that. Auditions were the first day, as always, but I didn't get a part in the play. I'm okay with that. Auditions went really well, I think. I was asked to read twice for the first time ever, which made me feel really good. I also found out I can do a French accent! Yeah, school's going well. I haven't managed to fall behind yet. Here's hoping I can keep things rolling along this well.

Getting Back to School

2010-08-29T16:06:00.000-05:00

School starts Monday and I'm really looking forward to it. My first class isn't until ten, which is cool. The only downside is that the first class is government. Oh well. My schedule's not that bad. Two classes on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, three on Tuesday and Thursday. I'm also really missing a lot of my friends and wondering about how things might be different this year. A lot of people have graduated, one professor has gone to another job, and our old department head is temporarily coming out of retirement until we find a replacement for the professor who left. Another of the theater professors, Ms. Glitter, is now running the scene shop. Wow. The woman drives me insane, quite frankly, and I've got class with her for the first time in about two years. I'll also be spending this semester looking for summer theater internships. All in all, it should be a fun year.

I'm a senior, finally, and hoping to capitalize on that to get some more opportunities within the theater department. The "I haven't done this before and am about to graduate" card is very powerful. Of course, I've got another year to year and a half to go before I get all my theater classes completed. After that, who knows? I really don't yet. Only time will tell.

Riddle Me This - Answers

2010-08-18T16:40:00.001-05:00

Here are the answers to my recent riddles post.

Riddle 1: I have a face but no mouth and my day starts with an energy drop. I don't speak, but I communicate effectively. I can go anywhere.

Cell phone

Riddle 2: I'm very small and see everything from my vantage point. You see from somewhere very close to me. You won't find me everywhere, though my home can be found on everyone. I like young people.

Eyebrow piercing

Riddle 3: I carry a lot and get very hot. Hold me close to your chest.

Bra

Riddle 4: Colors everywhere, see some living art.

Tattoo

Riddle 5: First coming from animals, I pierced darkness before Alva.

Candles, which were originally made from animal fat.

Riddle 6: Take a trip with me; you won't have to go anywhere. Just open your eyes and pick me up.

A book

How many did you get right? If you didn't comment on my original blog, how many might you have gotten right?

You've never what now? A reader recommends...

2010-08-12T22:35:00.001-05:00

In the past, so many people have spoken a phrase that baffles me. I've heard this from people of all ages, backgrounds, and levels of education. Well, maybe not all ages, but widely varied age groups. The phrase? "I've never read an entire book in my life." I've heard this phrase from college students - English majors, even! When I was a senior in high school, I took an English course at the freshman college level. Our final paper in the class was a book report on a novel. A student in class, astoundingly, raised their hand and asked the teacher "does this mean we have to read a book?" My jaw dropped. For all those people and anyone who might need to add to their own personal reading list, here's some easy, but entertaining reads I would recommend to anyone.

Michael Ende's The Neverending Story - The movie is nothing compared to the book, not that they two can ever really compare. This book was a favorite from around elementary school age. I'm not sure exactly when I first fell in love with it, but I've always had so much fun in that world. Fantastica (Fantasia based on movie dialogue) is a wonderfully rich fantasy world with so many unexplored adventures. Hence, the title of the work.

Harry Potter series - J.K. Rowling turned a generation on to reading. The series is masterfully written with clues scattered throughout for the reader to find. I'm currently working through the series for the second time myself and loving every minute of re-discovery. The characters, major and supporting roles, are well written and rounded out with any changed in motivation explained clearly.

Tuesdays With Morrie - A short, simple story that has a greater effect than some might guess. The fact that the story is true gives it even more meaning and depth.

The Wayside School series - Nice, nonsensical, short books about a sideways tilting school that has no thirteenth story and only one classroom per floor. Classic, always.

Chronicles of Narnia - Yes, there's imagery and symbolism. Yes, the author was a strong Christian. Yes, Aslan represents Jesus. Move on and just enjoy the story.

Walking Across Egypt - Short, sweet, to the point, and a very well characterized story.

The Year the Horses Came - The most controversial item on this list, this fictional novel deals with the idea of white men first arriving from present-day Russia to slowly take over the lands of the Goddess-worshiping natives. There are scenes of strong sexuality, but it's a logical part of the narrative storyline and not the focus of the book.

Harriet the Spy - A classic. Very accurate portrayal of a pre-teen mind and of the social interplay in middle school.

Time for Andrew: A Ghost Story - The story is told in the cleanest way possible with interesting moments of interplay between one time-period and another.

The Phantom Tollbooth - So much to enjoy in this book. The wordplay is wonderful. Shows some of the dangers of taking things too literally.

Artemis Fowl series - Has its far-fetched moments, but who can't love reading about a young criminal mastermind continually plotting against the Lower Elements (faeries)? The series has decent continuity and the author is careful to explain each oddity in sufficient detail.

I could go on and on, but with people who don't read, what would be the point?

Things I Miss From Childhood

2010-08-10T18:39:00.001-05:00

Image via Wikipedia

Now, at twenty-three years of age, I spend a lot of time with my four year old sister. This has made me pay a little more attention to what kids are watching these days. My god, I miss the nineties.I miss good television shows, like Rugrats - before they grew up, Doug, Hey Arnold!, Ren & Stimpy, Daria, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, Guts, Legends of the Hidden Temple...oh, there were so many. I miss Sesamee Street - before everyone started speaking Spanish. I miss good vampires - Lestat de Lioncourt and Louis de Pointe du Lac. I miss kids who were able to play outside; seems like so many these days won't leave the electronic babysitters for longer than twenty minutes. Of course, that may be just my little sister. I miss playing outside. When I was in fifth grade, we discovered I was highly allergic to chigger bites, which put an end to my rolling in the grass. I miss kids being taught respect, being expected to return it and to obey their parents. I miss kids being encouraged to read instead of sitting in front of the electronic babysitter. I miss kids being taught basic facts - once, a fifth grader we were babysitting told us the capital of Texas, her home state as well as mine...was T...and that the capital of the United States was US. She didn't know the state flower of Texas. What are they teaching kids these days, really? What kind of students might I end up with?

I'm Quitting My Day Job

2010-08-08T15:31:00.000-05:00

Yes, I'm quitting my day job. I'm re-focusing on what I want to do, moving back to my passion, the thing that makes me happiest. I'll focus on school and my various responsibilities as I need to, but it's time to pay attention to me. I want to make myself happy and be satisfied in my own life.A lot of my motivation, it's true, likely stems from the fact that I'm twenty-three years old and at a stage in my life when I can, to a point, do what I want without serious repercussions so long as I maintain balance. Thankfully, I'm both logical enough to realize this and good at balance when I need to be.

What am I focusing on? Well, if you ask that question, you don't know me or are a new reader to my blog. (Realistically, these add up to about the same thing.) I believe Gloria Steinem said it best. "Writing is the only thing that, when I do it, I don't feel like I should be doing something else." When I'm writing, I love what I'm doing. These days, the creative ideas have flowed easier than before and I intend to take advantage of that flow before the demands of academia dry up my oasis wellspring.

"Reading usually precedes writing and the impulse to write is almost always fired by reading. Reading, the love of reading, is what makes you dream of becoming a writer." ~Susan Sontag

Reading & Dancing

2010-08-07T15:43:00.000-05:00

"Let us read and let us dance - two amusements that will never do any harm to the world." -Voltaire

This may be one of the simplest and one of the most profound quotes I've come across in a while. Interesting may be a slightly better word than profound, but it's my blog. :-P This quote reads like one of life's basic truths, a bite-sized snack of a good saying that, once digested, makes you realize there was more meat to it than you thought. I wonder how much harm might be prevented by dancing and reading?

Reading certainly teaches us of the evils of human nature, things to avoid, ways others have failed. Dancing lets us cut loose, burn energy, and have fun. With energy burned and fun had, tempers drop. How much harm could be avoided with reading and dancing?

Irony: I found this quote in a book I've owned for years. Apparently, I've never really read it before.

Fables can come true

2010-08-04T14:10:00.000-05:00

There was a traveler going on a journey, climbing a steep hill. It took him several hours to reach the summit; once there, he found a small snake, who slithered up to him. "Hello fellow traveler," the snake greeted with a smile. "I've just slithered up this hill and am far too tired to make it to the other side. Would you please carry me down? I'd be eternally grateful." The traveler, feeling this fair, offered his hand for the snake to slither onto to be carried. Once they reached the bottom of the hill, the snake slithered off the traveler's hand. Turning, he then bit the traveler on the ankle and dashed off into the tall grass. "How could you do that? Why did you bite me when I helped you," the traveler demanded. The snake's slim head poked out of the grass. "You knew the risks when you picked me up, friend. You knew I was a snake. Still, you chose to help me. The risk was yours," he replied before slithering off, flicking his tail as his poison moved through the traveler's system.

I first read this poorly paraphrased fable in a Bible. It teaches the lesson of thinking through your actions, of being careful who you offer help to. It's a lesson I feel my parents and I need to learn. We've helped people, out of the goodness of our hearts and because it's the decent thing to do. I'm sick and tired of getting bitten by the people we help, getting pulled into problems we shouldn't be involved with. Too many people seem so focused on themselves, not realizing that the world doesn't revolve around the spot where they stand, not realizing that we're trying to live our own lives around them. They don't know or don't care if we go out of our way to help - provided we're still helping. Then, we might as well blend into the woodwork for all the good we do in trying to help others from an outsider's perspective. Friends burn us or don't realize that what they do does come back to us and it's all completely stupid. What ever happened to paying it forward? Or laying in the bed you've made? Why is it everybody's looking for a handout these days? Work to better yourself by yourself!

Riddle Me This

2010-08-03T17:40:00.000-05:00

Unable to come up with a really good blog idea, I decided to type up some riddles. Feel free to take a guess at what I'm describing here.

Riddle 1: I have a face but no mouth and my day starts with an energy drop. I don't speak, but I communicate effectively. I can go anywhere.

Riddle 2: I'm very small and see everything from my vantage point. You see from somewhere very close to me. You won't find me everywhere, though my home can be found on everyone. I like young people.

Riddle 3: I carry a lot and get very hot. Hold me close to your chest.

Riddle 4: Colors everywhere, see some living art.

Riddle 5: First coming from animals, I pierced darkness before Alva.

Riddle 6: Take a trip with me; you won't have to go anywhere. Just open your eyes and pick me up.

Books, books, books!

2010-07-28T16:36:00.000-05:00

Well, I've met my personal goal. Yesterday and today, I worked on getting every book I own out of storage and sorting through them. Anything I've read a million and one times was put aside to be passed on for someone else to enjoy. Anything I know I won't read, but was holding on to for sheer sentimental reasons was also passed on. Counting the boxes that fell apart on me, I brought fifteen standard-size cardboard boxes into the house. One box went straight to the trash - the bugs had done too much damage, eating into the pages of the books. After that, the organizing started.

There was a lot of stacking, moving around, re-stacking, etc. last night. I flitted around the dining room table, sometimes like a butterfly searching for a specific stack or leafing through each stack. Other times, I was a woman on a mission. I knew exactly where whichever book was and knew it had been put in the wrong pile. Add in our new cat, Diana, who proved herself a feline Wishbone when she curled up and fell asleep on my books, knocking piles as she got comfortable, and it made for a very interesting night.

Today, I got all the books put away. Two boxes worth of books went into a plastic storage bin - something bugs can't get into - to be returned to storage. Five boxes were packed up to be passed on to whomever wants them. The topics vary wildly. Books about Lenin sat next to a collection of religious texts - everything from the Book of Mormon to the Bahagavad-Gita - and all that sat beside books from my childhood that are in need of new homes. Now, I'm sitting in my mildly rearranged bedroom with my bookshelves crammed full of the works I decided I wanted to keep and have accessible. If I did my math right, excluding the 6-7 dictionaries/encyclopedias sitting in a basket together, I currently have around 280 books in my bedroom. All this just so I could find my Harry Potter series - which was fully recovered, completely unharmed, and is currently sitting with my favorite Stephen King book of all time, It, on the fourth shelf of my small bookshelf.

Hm... I think I have some reading to do. :)

I must not tell lies

2010-07-25T19:50:00.000-05:00

I've always loved writing and reading both. Lately, I've found myself hungering for a favorite fandom of the past. Rather than my recent obsession of Twilight, I've been wanting to delve into the Wizarding World. Yes, I've been missing the world of Harry Potter. In my opinion, it's better written than Twilight and has more "staying power." The seven books were truly the story of a generation. They hold themes that last forever: friendship, bravery, love, loyalty, and many more.

I started re-reading the books last semester and made it to Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. However, those books belonged to my room-mate. Now that I'm home, I'll have to dig my own books out of storage. Haven't done it yet because storage is...well, pretty full and mostly books. I've been re-watching the movies - the ones I can find, anyway. Order of the Phoenix seems to have vanished, which is really irritating to me. Of course, my DVDs are getting a little worn out. They've developed scratches and the like, which makes movie watching difficult. I did some research this week and learned that James Potter's birthday is two days before mine. :)

Research has also told me how much I missed in the books, how much I forgot. I didn't remember the back story of the Ravenclaw diadem as detailed in Deathly Hallows. I lost so many details of Severus Snape's story-line - though I did remember the ending and most of the important facts. Yeah, I forgot a lot of little stuff and I genuinely want to get back into that world. Just need to make time to go dig through my boxes and locate my books.

Electronic Mishaps

2010-07-21T17:25:00.002-05:00

Yeah, I'm doing a great job of blogging, I know. I've had my six year old niece and two year old nephew visiting this week as well as my three year old sister coming over for babysitting. This only reminds me that I am not ready to have kids. On top of this exhausting job of helping to keep track of kiddos and trying not to depend too much on the electronic babysitter for them, I've also spent most of the summer without my own power cord for my computer.

The problem started very simply: one power cord went out and the new one was shorter than my first. Because it was shorter, I pulled it too far, which caused some of the wires to be exposed. Well, that's easily fixed. That's one reason electrical tape was made, right? Okay, it's not a legitimate fix, but it held together for months. One day, a few weeks after I'd come home for the summer, I found out that one of the wires had totally been stripped. The fibers in it had disintegrated or something cause they were just gone! Well, damn. Now I've got to scrap the cord.

Thankfully, the battery pack is still good. Not that it does me any good when it can't plug into the wall, but it's better than nothing. We got online that day and ordered a new cord (thanks again mom!) and everything was gonna be fine, awesome even. I'd only have to wait a week or two and my new power cord would come in the mail.

Sadly, it has now been over a month and still no power cord. I've been borrowing compatible cords from my stepdad and neighbor, who both have laptops. However, since I don't want to put either of them out, I'm not going to just lay a claim and steal the power cord from their own computers. That's just plain rude and I don't honestly need my laptop that badly. I am getting impatient for that power cord, but a wait of longer than a month seems excessive for such a simple item. They were on back order when we placed the initial order, I get that, but come on!

As if this weren't enough electronic trouble for one summer, my laptop hinge has knocked itself out of whack so badly that there's a crack in it and screws are falling out. For all these irritating reasons, I'm typing this blog on mom's computer (thanks again, mom!) and will be picking up my lappy from the local repair store tomorrow. (thanks for the $ dad!) With any luck, I can get some smooth sailing on my side sometime soon.

Wordy Wednesday

2010-07-14T09:27:00.000-05:00

Alright, I'm trying something a little different. Maybe a weekly feature will give me reason to write here. The new feature is called Wordy Wednesday, a spin-off of the ever-popular Wordless Wednesday. What is Wordy Wednesday, you ask? Well, other than an attempt to inspire this writer to get writing, it's also an attempt at bettering myself. I'm going to find a word and write about it. Hopefully, I can find some words that I don't already know. Nothing wrong with building vocabulary, after all.

Okay, explanation over! Time for today's word: diaeresis. The word has Greek roots and comes from the verb diairesis, which means "to divide." It indicates the separate pronunciation of two adjacent vowels in the same word, like cooperate. This is shown via a punctuation mark that looks like this: coöperate. A diaeresis is commonly used in the German language as well as Dutch and French.

Of course, diaeresis has a few other definitions, all of them stemming from the root. Free dictionary gives an added use in poetry, where a diaeresis is a break in a line of verse where the end of a word and the end of a metrical foot coincide. Dieresis, which has a slightly different spelling, is a medical term indicating surgical separation of two parts.

Hyperfocus - the key to my goals

2010-07-13T19:55:00.000-05:00

Today was a hyperfocus day. That hyperfocus was what really brought me back to this blog. Hyperfocus is this amazingly awesome thing that comes part and parcel with attention deficit disorder, which I was finally diagnosed with my first year of college. (I'll save that story for more potential blog fodder.) My hyperfocus days are kind of rare, at least in my opinion. Others who know me might disagree, but hey, its my body and I know it best. Maybe I need to back-track and explain.

Hyperfocus, when it comes, allows me to narrow my normally wide focus down to just a few things. I never really know what I'm going to be focusing on until it happens; it's not something I can choose to do, though I've tried in the past. Sometimes, I'll get lucky and hyperfocus will kick in while I'm studying. It's not a side-effect of my medication either - which I actually didn't take today. Oops. Oh well. I managed fine without it. Today, fortunately, became a goal setting day.

Goal one: clean my bedroom. I've been wanting to do this for days. Today, I got it done. My closet got emptied and re-organized, my bed got fresh sheets put on it, and there are big empty spaces on my dresser and desks where piles of books, notebooks, and papers used to be. A few days ago, when this need to clean up my personal space started, I dug everything out of my closet and even got rid of a few things I never wore or had owned too long and wore too much. The rearranging was done carefully as well, deliberately designed to prevent me from pulling out the same dozen or so t-shirts that I wear all the time.

Goal two: blog again. Yes, yes, I know, my blog has been far too quiet for far too long. Real life caught up to me with a vengeance. That, too, I'll keep out of this particular entry. Things just got crazy during the semester. Today's entry is the first step on a new road of blogging.

Goal three: work out. I already walk daily - two miles a day average while walking the dogs. Today, I didn't take the dogs and man, oh, man did I kick up some dust! Using my iPod to keep my feet moving in rhythm, I kept up a steady pace, faster than a leisurely stroll, for the entire two miles! I felt so good as I was heading back home that I found myself looking around for a way to lengthen my route. I'm hoping to reach a point where walking can turn into jogging and, eventually, running. Only time will tell, I suppose.

Goal four: eat more. Tied in with goal three. By jogging, I can do twice the work and cover half the distance. Because I want to work out more and, in addition to my daily walk, will be taking a yoga class twice a week next semester, I know I've got to up my caloric intake. Every semester, school reaches a point where I don't have time to really eat as much as I need, never mind enjoying the meal. Then it hits the point where I simply don't enjoy the food because the options never change. Breakfast is the worst culprit, a meal I'm already not terribly fond of. Hopefully, this semester, I can figure out a balance.

Goal five: find next semester's class schedule. (So much for the room cleaning... I know it's in here somewhere...) I need to write down a schedule and include my classes, my meals, my work-out time, and a potential part-time job, along with study time, writing time, blogging time, down time, and time to do the work I need to do as part of a member of the theater department. Budgeting I'm not so hot on, but scheduling I think I can do.

I've read before that you're not supposed to share some goals with other people. Of course, that bit of advice was solely in reaction to writing and I have tried to keep a few of my story ideas under my hat. These goals, though, I'm sharing here so I can be held accountable.

Yeah, my blog on hyperfocus turned into me yammering about personal goals. Oh well. Welcome to the mind of an ADDer! What personal goals have you set? Which ones would you like to set? What holds you back from meeting your goals?

Freedom of speech protected only sometimes

2010-03-27T09:43:00.001-05:00

Alright, I know I haven't blogged in ages, but man oh man do I ever have things to blog about right now! First, the ~~stupid~~ er, standard disclaimer to dissuade any comments that will end up deleted anyway. This is my blog. This is my opinion. This is my own little corner of the internet in which I can gripe and whine, bitch and moan, and throw all the text hissy-fits I want. This is my chance to tell the story as I see it, as I'm living it.

Everything started innocently enough. I'm on the cusp of my senior year in school, still a theater student, still happy as a clam spending my days in the classroom learning to do what I love and look forward to doing the rest of my life. This semester, I'm enrolled in Acting II and finally getting to do some acting. I snagged two roles in one of our one-acts and a small role in Major Barbara, the last main-stage play of the semester.

The one-act plays were intended to be a project for the advanced directing class. They were to be performed for free. The directors chose their own shows and paid royalties out of their own pockets to have these shows performed. Auditions were open to the community, as they always are, and we got a lot of interest which was excellent since the acting class only has a dozen students this semester. One of the plays selected is entitled Corpus Christi by Terrence Mcnally. The play in question, as I've understood, is set in 1950 Corpus Christi, Texas and follows the life and death of Joshua, a young gay man who passes on a message of love and acceptance for everyone. At the end of the play, he is crucified. Yes, his life parallels the life of Christ. His followers are all homosexual and all retain their Biblical names. Because I was not cast in the show and have not read the script, that is all I know.

Big shock - living in the Bible-belt, this show has been surrounded by controversy for the entire rehearsal process. I know the director. I know he is both a gay and a Christian. I know he had no agenda in choosing the first available production date (today) with it being so close to Easter. I know he is an intelligent man and I doubt he would've chosen Corpus Christi simply to rile people up. I genuinely believe his claim that he is passionate about the play and wanted to deliver the message of the work.

Some readers might notice I'm using the past tense a lot. Well, in the midst of the storm of controversy surrounding a single play, everybody continued rehearsing. In addition to Corpus Christi, the plays Road to Rome, Women of Lockerbie, and The Importance of Being Ernest were scheduled to perform. There was talk of protests from the community, which I recognize is their right. I'd also point out that 1. these plays were free admission and not at all a part of the theater department's regular season; they were only performing once 2. attendance to the plays was not required for anyone excluding, possibly, those in the directing class; as I am not enrolled in that class yet, I do not know. The audience size was severely restricted with only parents and spouses of cast members allowed. My guest list of eleven was narrowed down to four, then two as my grandparents would be unable to attend. The plays were moved to early morning instead of the afternoon, when they were originally scheduled. Then, last night at the technical/dress rehearsal, we were told our family members could only come to see the play we were in.

Five hours after leaving rehearsal, our last one, I was told by another cast member that the plays had been canceled completely. Ten or so hours before the first show was scheduled to go up, everything got canceled. Apparently, the call was made because of threats of violence against the actors, directors, and technicians, as well as against music students that had a jazz festival to perform. It too was canceled. With rumors of protest from groups that varied from local community Christians to the KKK and Black Panthers, I understand the concern. I understand the objections ~~from people who have probably not read the play and can't seem to give any specific examples from the text of what it is that offends them~~ against the play. Frankly. I'm not that small-minded. However, I do not understand why my school's newspaper would air their March 25 edition with the headline "The Show Must Go On," why the University President and Fine Arts department faculty would go on about protecting the students, allowing the play, protecting our own rights to free speech, for everything to be taken away from us. After a month long rehearsal process, which involved students from the community and the theater department, it was taken away...but there are still protesters in the parking lot outside the theater building. What are they objecting? The play got canceled. All the plays scheduled for today got canceled for good. They're protesting nothing!

In my mind, the fact that protesters are still allowed to gather while the theater students are not allowed to do what we're going to school for, what we're seeking careers in, what we love, speaks volumes about the school administration's view on the issue of "free speech."

The reason cited for the cancellation was safety and security for the students involved. So many threatening emails and calls were received by faculty members over a simple 45-minute play that there were worries over protecting the students. I can't, in all fairness, disagree with this, but those who caused the move to become necessary... Frankly, they sicken me. What ever happened to "judge not lest ye be judged," "love your neighbor as yourself," love the sinner hate the sin, etc.? Everyone involved in these shows, from Corpus Christi to The Importance of Being Ernest, is a human being who has lost their right to free speech so that the rights of protesters can be upheld. It's so refreshing to attend college and learn lessons like this. Free speech is only permitted so long as religion is untouched. Never knew it was that sacred. Thanks for setting me straight, Hicksville!

Had the shows not been canceled, I'd be taking my bow right about now.

UPDATE: Less than two dozen protesters turned up. To protest nothing. There were no signs or megaphones, no way to hear anything they were saying. Fifteen police cars were in the fine arts parking lot with barricades set up around the building. Inside of two hours, all of it was gone.

New Beginnings

2010-01-19T11:30:00.002-06:00

Classes started today. At 8 am. How very thrilling - except not really. The good news: the 8 am class was all I had today. The better news: I made it to class on time. After class, however, my ear started acting up. Having an earache, a toothache, and a headache all at once, all on the same side of your head is no picnic, let me tell you.

All in all, the 8 am class really wasn't that bad. It was great getting to see everybody again, though the lack of compliments on my 40 minute prep & makeup was kind of a downer. Of course, self-esteem tends to tak a backseat when pain enters into the equation. I'm just glad my ear didn't start hurting seriously until after class.

I've got a new roomie this semester, a freshman in the theater department. All in all, it looks like this is shaping up to be a pretty cool semester. I just need to get my ear to stop hurting & my cell phone to work.

Long time, no type.

2009-11-15T19:25:00.003-06:00

Stumbled my way back here. Maybe my mom and Nessa can motivate me to get back into this blogging thing. Right now, I've got a couple of scripts to memorize for rehearsals Monday. Two acting scenes, ten minutes each. I've held each script less than a week and am supposed to be off book already. Oh boy... Time to get to work.

Anyone who stopped by here and was disappointed by the lack of an actual blog entry, check out these other blogs. They're pretty cool and newer to the blogosphere. :)

Mistress Mary and Quite Contrary are doing a remodel of their blog. Its well worth a visit.

Jayde's Little Corner will give you a glimpse into the life of a small town Texas mom, artist, and all around cool person.

Jayde's other half, Terzula, is also very cool. He's got a clear view of the world and every now and then can be pretty profound. ;)

I'll get an actual update going soon. :)

Fired

2009-06-27T10:54:00.002-05:00

The summer routine was going in full force up until last night. Everything kind of derailed. I was working, like usual for summer, at a convenience store near the edge of town. My step-dad was there as well, doing his evening stocking hours. It had been a pretty slow night, no lines of customers at the register, but they were coming in pretty steadily. It seemed like every time I moved from behind the counter to do a side-job, somebody else would come in. This prevented me from doing my safe drops, which turned out to be my own fault. That was how it started, normal enough.

This guy comes in and pre-pays for gas, so I set the pump and go to put the money in the register. As soon as the drawer was open, his hands reached over and grabbed. I reacted automatically, grabbing back, but I missed. Yelling "hey!" very loudly, I kept on acting automatically and followed him out of the store. By the time I hit the doors, he was in his car. It was turned off. I got close enough to watch him shift into drive before my brain kicked in, going: "okay, what are you going to do now?" As he drove off, I noted the license plate number.

The next hours or so was hellish as the adrenaline started to wear off. The store manager and my stepdad both praised me for being so gutsy while I kept telling them I hadn't planned any of it. When I was filling out a police report, the manager came into the back room where I was and told me the bad news. I'd been fired.

For chasing the guy and trying to get the money back, I was fired.

The pay there was good, but it doesn't seem worth fighting to keep the job, so my job hunt will start fresh on Monday. After last night's insanity, I think I deserve a weekend off.

To my mom for everything

2009-04-04T21:01:00.001-05:00

I love you more than words can say. You're my best friend. You've always been there and supported me even when you knew I'd fall flat on my face. Thank you, Momma Bunny.

Twenty-two years and counting

2009-04-04T20:02:00.003-05:00

The end of March marks the start of a new year in my life. My birthday has come and gone and I'm now twenty-two. No big party, but I didn't really want one. I just spent time with my best friend last Saturday and went to a play that Sunday. I ended up getting a new computer out of the deal since my Mac crashed Friday. The problem? It's a Windows. I haven't used Windows computers in ten years. At this point, I've managed to get connected to the internet. I know the DVD player works. I know the wireless card works. Haven't tried much else.

Even though I've passed another birthday, there are times I have to remind myself it happened; I have to remember I'm 22 now. I suppose it makes sense. After all, there's rarely any sort of ceremony or tradition surrounding birthday number twenty-two. Thirteen seems big because you're finally a teenager. The next year or two marks the beginning of high school. Sixteen, of course, is everything for most teens. Girls get the sweet sixteen party. You get your learner's permit, soon to be your license. If you're lucky you get a car. If you're really lucky and/or your folks aren't the most intelligent (in my opinion) you get a new car. Eighteen marks the world of legal adulthood. You're graduating, being thrown into the world with whatever guidance or lessons you may have picked up over the last twelve years of school. Twenty is big because you're no longer a teenager. Twenty-one years and you can legally buy your own alcohol. Twenty-two? Not exactly a milestone in most people's eyes.

In my twenty-two years on this world, I've learned a lot about myself. As a child, I learned to do whatever my mom said. Whether he like the pets or not, my dad would do anything for them because they were mine. I learned about classical music, great literature, and great art, developing a life-long love of impressionistic art. The ability to think for yourself will get you far and help you for the remainder of your life. Sometimes friends leave, but that doesn't mean you have to forget them. The best food in the room just might be the stuff nobody else is touching. Grass is not my friend. Neither is poison ivy. The worst thing you can ever do is lie to someone who trusts you; if that person is your mother, you may as well have committed blasphemy. Be willing to express your opinion, but realize that sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut. Its okay to drive over 40 mph. The idea of standing by your friends no matter what sometimes only works in theory. My uncles would kill for me if I asked them; my mom would get away with it. My step-dad is one of the greatest men in the world if only because he treats my mom like royalty. Suicide is never the answer, if only because it causes so much pain to the people left behind. I have three guardian angels watching over me, one of them a canine. The pursuit of knowledge is never a waste of time. The smell of steak cooking can make me nauseous. Whether its a car or a house, outer appearance doesn't matter. Family doesn't always mean you're related. A smile is the same in any language. Don't be afraid of manual labor. A willingness to work, to try, is just as important as knowing how to think. Boys are icky. Best friends don't always make the best lovers. Anytime you get extra money, you'll suddenly find a need for it you didn't know you had. Try anything once; you might find a new hobby.

I could go on, but just got an invite for dinner with a friend I haven't seen in a few months. Hope you enjoyed that little glimpse at some of my life lessons.

Chaos, insanity, idiocy

2009-02-18T23:38:00.002-06:00

This is sort of a continuation of my previous post. Let's just dive right on in with the rest of my end of the month review for February.

Once the children's play was over, the entire department's "behind the scenes" work came forward in full force. The whole time we'd been rehearsing and building and planning for the children's play, we'd also been working on our next show, which opens in less than a week. Actors cast in both shows had daily rehearsals from 5-10 until the children's play ended. Two students spent all of Valentine's Day weekend in the theater building painting a gigantic backdrop - I think the measurement is 60' x 20' but I'm not sure. It took the entire tech class to get it laid out so that it could be painted. I've put in about seventeen hours worth of work on making a skirt for one of the actresses and I'm still not finished. I've put in about as much work on the set, doing various tasks as part of my lab hours for one of my classes. This weekend is tech, where we'll all spend two days scrambling to finish everything at the last minute.

Sometime this week, or so I keep hearing, we're supposed to have run crew rehearsals, where myself and about twelve others go up in the evening to what I must say is every techie's dream: a stage without actors. ;) We'll spend however much time is allotted working through scene shifts for the show. By opening night, we'll need to have this down to be as smooth and quick as possible. Of course, the word 'quick' can't always be applied when you're talking about moving a 10' or taller flat across the stage in the dark to try and find the piece of spike tape (that I can only hope will be white), place the flat, and secure it to pull it back up as soon as the scene ends so you aren't mowed down by the next set piece that has to go, inevitably, right where you're standing. At the same time, you've got to simultaneously communicate with whomever is assisting you in moving said 10' flat while keeping quiet so that the audience doesn't hear you.

Yeah. That'll be fun. The funniest part of it all? I volunteered for that insanity. Oh well. To each his own.

Just to make things more complicated: I've got a Spanish test the same day the play opens - my schedule won't be affected since the show goes on at night, unlike the children's play, but it'll give me something to complain about for sure. As soon as the show closes and strike is complete, I'll be expected to go to the cast party. This is a hilarious idea in itself since I've never been to a cast party. What's different this time? A friend who lives out of town (on the other side of the state, practically) is coming in to see the show that weekend. Myself and another friend know that this girl will love hanging out with all the theater majors at the cast party; had she stayed in this area, she'd be going to our school and, no doubt, we would've dragged her into theater as well. So, since she's going to be in town, I'm required to go to the cast party. From everything I've heard, these parties are good excuses for everyone to get together and drink. Since I haven't been doing much socializing, what with all my friends busy with rehearsals every night, I guess one party wouldn't kill me.

Right now, I'm fuming over what an idiot my Spanish professor is. We received a homework assignment today that we have already done. She gave it to us the first week of classes. I know, I know "if you've already done it, it should be an easy A." It will be because I fully intend to recycle my answers - or just hand in the first packet since it was never graded. I just find it...irritating. When I pointed out that the worksheets looked awfully familiar, the classmate I was talking to stared at me as if I'd grown a second head. If the professor's stupid enough to give me the same assignment twice when the composition we have to write (again) has already been corrected, graded, and handed back, I'll take my free 100 and keep the fuming under control. I hate repeating myself...

I long for a little dullness

2009-02-18T22:47:00.002-06:00

As I knew would happen, I now want my routine to go from "we have to do everything RIGHT NOW" mode back to where it was at the beginning of the semester. Well, maybe not; that was pretty boring, but still... Okay, let me back up and explain for those few readers who haven't already heard all of this.

This month has been tough. It started the last two weeks of January, when everybody got ready for the first play of the semester, which happened to be one of our children's shows. These plays are performed in alternating years, with the directing class taught prior to these productions. Students from the directing class either get to direct a one-act play, performed on a weekend in one of our smallest performance spaces, free of charge to the public or they get to direct a children's play. These are performed in our largest space - I believe I heard that the auditorium will seat 1500 but don't quote me on that. another interesting factor about the children's plays is that they, like the one acts, are completely student run. Director, designers, actors, all of it is ours. The professors give advice, but, unlike our main-stage plays which one of them always directs, we generally have the option to listen or disregard.

The play was performed the first week of February. Working the sound board was made more difficult by the designer, I'm sorry to admit. I'm just glad the sound cues were cut down - the original design had almost fifty sound effects, several of which came right on top of one another. Cut down to the essentials, I was running thirty-something SFX on four different CDs (another unnecessary irritation), twelve wireless mics, and we put on two performances a day for three days. The first two showings were completely sold out, with extra seating added in the back of the theater. Local elementary schools came out to see the show, as usual. I actually got a two day break from classes, although I still had to make up everything I missed.

Generally speaking, things went well. I now wish that the light and sound board operators had more than just two rehearsals to get everything figured out. Since the board op is rarely, if ever, the designer in our department, whoever is running these cues isn't really needed until the tech run-through and dress rehearsal. Because of this, as well as the irritating but necessary habit of not providing the board ops with scripts, we had no idea what the cues were supposed to be, how they looked/sounded, when they ended, etc. I completely understand the reasoning; the stage manager runs the show, stepping in for the director during performances. Since the SM is running the show, he/she calls the cues, making the board ops and whoever else needs a cue completely reliant on that person. It just didn't make much sense as I sat there, in front of a board I'd never run, watching levels dance on wireless mics I'd never before touched, getting ready to provide sound effects I'd never heard for a play I had never seen.

During one performance, the entire cast was dancing, not to music, but to a roll of thunder because I hit play on the incorrect disc.

During another, an audience member answered their cell and knocked out the signal for one of the wireless mics. None of the kids heard the leading lady's line for her entire first scene.

Then there was the time I almost missed my "something magical is happening" cue because I remembered to turn off the effects speaker backstage, but had forgotten to push the button necessary to pipe sound back through the mix speakers above and around the stage. Lovely bit of improv from the cast, who saved my tush more than a few times. "Unless something magical happens...right now..." *insert music hear*

And, of course, the once-a-performance-conversation regarding the character of the warrior princess.
Stage Manager: *over headset, in my ear* There's a lot of feedback...
Me: I can't do anything about it.
SM: Is there something wrong with Ursula's mic?
Me: No.
SM: Why the feedback?
Me: *deadpan* She's screaming into it.
I was spared this conversation for Saturday's public performances when the actress came to me and asked if she really needed to wear the mic. We agreed that she did not as long as she projected more on her non-screamed lines, which she had maybe a dozen of, if that. It wasn't a problem, especially since the audience was nowhere near as large as it had been.

On Saturday, my dad, step-mom, and two year old sister came out to see the show. I was so happy! Sissy loved the show and I got to show the old man and other mom around. I'm pretty sure I was about bursting with pride the whole day.

The play was a lot of fun, though I'm still irritated that I slept through the cast party. Took a "nap" at 6:30 pm and woke up at 10:00 Sunday morning. I suppose taking a sixteen hour nap means I needed the sleep more than I needed to dress up in drag and be Prom King for our 'Second Chance Prom' theme.

Alright, I'm ready for spring break!

Surviving February

2009-02-16T22:40:00.007-06:00

Schedule too busy. Can't blog. Homework is finished, at least. Back to rowing with the other slaves...

Bookworm Meme

2009-01-29T16:18:00.004-06:00

I was tagged by Nessa in this and am already fascinated to see what happens. Here's how this thing works. Open the closest book to you, not your favorite or something you have to go searching for but whatever's closest to you right now, and go to page 56. Starting with the fifth sentence on the page, transcribe three to six lines directly from the text. Once you've typed those lines, tag five more bloggers to do the same on their blogs.

Okay. Grab whatever book is physically closest to me. Well...alright.

Page 56 of Theater Theory Theater, which is one of two texts used in Theatrical Theory & Criticism. Fifth sentence.

The Plot in fact should be so framed that, even without seeing the things that take place, he who simply hears the account of them shall be filled with horror and pity at the incidents, which is just the effect that the mere recital of the story in Oedipus would have on one.

Following sentences.

To produce this same effect by means of Spectacle is less artistic, and requires extraneous aid. Those, however, who make use of the Spectacle to put before us that which is merely monstrous and not productive of fear, are wholly out of touch with Tragedy; not every kind of pleasure should be required of a tragedy, but only its own proper pleasure. The tragic pleasure is that of pity and fear, and the poet has to produce it by a work of imitation; it is clear, therefore, that the causes should be included in the incidents of his story.

This excerpt is from Aristotle's Poetics, a work I found interesting for what it said, but dull in the way the material was presented. What Aristotle is doing for his fifth-century BC audience is disecting the structure of a play and presenting it in a scientific manner. In my opinion, this is dull. In most people's opinions, generally speaking, this would be dull merely because it's academia.

Rather than get on my soap box and proceed to wax eloquent, I'll finish up and do the tagging.

Rhea
Jewel
Lezlie over at Books 'N Border Collies (Two of my favorite things ever!)
The Biblio Brat (Well written book reviews)
The Redneck Mommy

Slush and writing

2009-01-28T22:28:00.003-06:00

Not much has changed here. My routine was, unfortunately, hardly interrupted by the chilly weather. However, I didn't have to go to Spanish today and I got an extra three hours worth of sleep. That makes it all worth it, even though I'm wide awake now. My friends are all kept busy by rehearsals while I am not. Instead, I'm keeping caught up on my homework, getting to watch them all sweat as they try to get everything done. I suppose there's always an exchange of some sort to be made. I'm just glad I didn't slide too much while walking through the slush - those patches of ice always seem to find me!

I just finished reading Lysastrada, a bawdy ancient Greek comedy. It was a very quick read, only about twenty pages long, and I'd never read it before. It was a pleasant change from Oedipus Rex. These days, I'm trying to talk myself out of any serious recreational writing, at least until midterms and our back to back February productions are over with. Sort of hard since there's a storyline rolling around in my head.

For what feels like years, ever since my interest in writing became serious, I've heard the old saying of "write what you know." Every time I've tried that, I've grown bored. I know my characters and the situation, I know what they'll do, so why write about it? This new idea, like so many of my old ones, has potential, a lot of potential, but I'm trying to talk myself out of it. Maybe because I fear failure? In itself, this worry is beyond ridiculous because I don't show my fiction writing to very many people. At this point in my life, its just for me. Of course, it doesn't help that I've never been able to type the phrase 'The End' and finish any of my stories. They all end up gathering metaphorical dust in my computer. I go back later and read through them and think 'my god, why didn't I ever finish this; it's such a good story!' but that's all that ever comes of it.

I've tried sharing my work with others. NaNoWriMo was a little easier this year knowing I was competing against Mom, but I wrote less than I had last year, two more incomplete manuscripts that will probably never see the light of day. Writing may not be my future. It may never be a career path for me, but does that mean I can't do it? I don't think so. I just have to figure out how to finish what I start...

The Green Room

2009-01-15T20:21:00.005-06:00

Traditionally, a green room is a room located close to a performance space. It is used as a place for actors to hang out before their cues are called to prevent them from lurking behind the set and disrupting the performance. The green room is also intended to be a public area, somewhere for members of the audience/actors' family to come after the performance to meet the actors and technicians and mingle with them. Blessedly, these rooms usually aren't painted green. At least, ours isn't...

Apparently, this room is welcome to anyone - or so I heard one of my theater professors saying while giving a tour to some people I didn't recognize - but the theater students have claimed it as their own. Its our territory, our hang out place, our turf. Some of the strangest and most interesting conversations I've ever heard have taken place on those dark green couches. I'm not sure which is more interesting: being in the conversation from the start or walking into the middle of it. Some of the topics we've discussed include:

the election - This was very interesting since everyone has such different feelings when it comes to politics. My best friend is a Libertarian and most of the students around me are Democrats. I don't hold to a straight-ticket vote, but I know I'm more Republican than Democrat. I also know that, more often than not, I'm seriously outnumbered in this room.

the inauguration - See above. Though I do support the President Elect, I saw no real purpose behind stopping the lecture so we could watch the inauguration. Then again, I've rarely understood anything that disturbs my studies, so it's nothing personal against Obama.

our school's parking problem - Man, am I glad I'm not commuting anymore!

how do mermaids have babies? - I won't even go into how this subject came up...or the answer that the carpenters came up with.

gripes about professors, parents, other students, the school's administration, etc. - An old standby. I always try to take my classmates' opinions with a grain of salt when it comes to the question of which professor to take.

if you were a serial killer, what would you want to be known for? - I've had fun with this one. Scared a few people too.

a costumed rehearsal dinner for a wedding (Marvel on one side, DC on the other) - One of the carps shared this tale. It sounded like something to be at.

what's your drag queen name? - According to the formula (first pet's name + first street you've lived on) mine would be...wait...what was the first street I lived on? Mom!

redecorating the green room (murals, an effigy of the department head, posters from shows, etc.) - This subject has been hashed and rehashed. Conclusion: the ideas are too far-fetched, we don't have enough space, we don't have the resources, and/or we're working too much during the semester to bother with decorating the space we all seem to live in when we're not in class.

dog grooming - Somebody else's hobby/side job. A few of the folks in the department can get pretty caught up in this. I usually head out to the loading dock when this comes up because they can (and have) talk for hours on end.

what new look might be required for a certain play - Since the designers of whatever production are usually sick of the script, they're not always involved. If they are, it's likely to be through sharing what they've done or explaining the guidelines they were provided by the director. Sometimes, this can be fun - if you leave the director and the money out of the picture.

which plays we will never be able to perform (Rent, Arcadia, etc.) - "Gee, I wish we could do {insert title of play here}" This list always seems to grow. We don't have the money/talent/numbers for the cast. The list of reasons is blessedly shorter.

"This one time..." - Stories of past productions... Like the time our now graduated master carp moved a platform that measured 8' x 10' and was hanging 8' in the air, supported by struts. It needed to move mere inches, but would take a lot of people...or so we thought. The 6' 2" guy, who looks like he should be named 'Bubba,' gets on a stepladder and swings his fist. Yes, he [I]punched[/I] the second floor of the set into alignment. All of a sudden, people stopped goofing off in the scene shop...

During Godspell, one cast member injured four or five other cast members in a single performance. The story is that she had made a deal with her mother - $20 for everyone she incapacitated without missing a cue. Then there was the time an actress' nose was broken by an actor's foot in the middle of a performance. And, of course, the headset chatter of the techies during any performance or the "very different story" of Godspell given by the shadows on the wall - a claim made by the stagehand who spent 2 hours a night crouched under a platform with nothing to do until the finale of the show. So many interesting stories. I love collecting them.

And that's just a small glimpse of a few of the conversations that take place in the green room. Which did you least expect? Which was your favorite?

Relaxing and wondering

2009-01-15T18:48:00.004-06:00

The first week of classes has almost come to a close. I've spent over $100 on textbooks and will be able to bump that figure to over $150 once I get my book for health, which was sold out when I tried to buy it today. In these next weeks, things will start kicking into a higher gear, the pace continuing to pick up as the spring season officially starts. After that, I'm sure I'll miss this week, its slower pace, its moments of boredom. We've got mid-terms right after our second production, West Side Story, which it seems the entire department is involved in. Perfect timing, as usual.

Although I know all this is coming, I'm not as stressed yet, possibly because I'm holding smaller roles in these first two productions. For the children's play the first week of February, I'm running the sound board, getting to monitor and operate about a dozen microphones while listening for cues to play sound effects. Since I'm not the sound designer, I don't have to find them. Right now, my job is easy. I get to worry about nothing other than class until the costume parade. While everyone analyzes the fit, overall look and color of each outfit, I'll just be making sure I can attach a mic to it. After that, though I'm sure I'll get to help with the alteration, my work doesn't really start until the first dress rehearsal.

As part of the run crew for West Side, my job will be similar and easier at the same time: no costume parade to worry about unless I'm given a project in the shop, someone's outfit to help make for the show. I'm not sure what I'm doing in that play yet; I just hope I'm not stuck backstage as a dresser. That role just doesn't interest me. I'd much rather get to do spotlight op again, like I did for Godspell.

Other than wondering about what's coming, I don't have much to do. I've done what homework I'm capable of before my textbooks get to me and have been reviewing where I could, like in Spanish. I'm attending all my classes, even health, which I'm already hating. Still, I'll grit my teeth and muddle through it, if only to keep from having to repeat the boring class. I just can't fathom the way these coaches speak, telling their classes that we'll be working out one day a week as if it were some sort of fun treat. Sure, it's a break from lecturing, but I wouldn't consider it fun by any stretch of the word. It's possible I'm still seething from the $60 book that I won't be able to refund at the end of the semester since its an unbound text.

Oh well. C'est la vie!

Back to school

2009-01-12T13:06:00.002-06:00

Slipping back into my routine has been so easy and such a relief. I've called home a few times (quite a few times) over the weekend because I was so bored. A month from now, I'll have forgotten what the word "bored" means.

Classes started today and I was off and running like a herd of snails. The day started spectacularly when the alarm on my phone failed to go off at 7 am. Instead, I woke up at 8 and had to rush through my morning preparations - exactly what I didn't want to do. Breakfast was...well,it was food. It was edible. The fact that I woke up feeling like a drill bit was biting into my temple probably didn't help much. The phantom drill bit is still there now, but greatly dulled, so I'm not complaining. I just keep telling myself it's stress, nothing more because I can't get sick. It's just plain not allowed.

My first class of the day was Spanish, a language I have not touched in a month. Just my luck: the professor comes in speaking Spanish, so I got sit and nod along, completely lost and utterly dumbfounded, picking up about every third word. A couple of theater students were in the class, so I'm feeling a lot better about it since I know people. :) After class, we all went to the library for coffee, which I'm hoping won't be a daily habit since it made us a few minutes late to the next class.

Tech theater was enjoyable. It felt so good to be surrounded by theater majors again with Ms. Glitter standing at the front of the class. I'm sure this feeling won't last since the prof. gets distracted even easier that I do and I can't stand it when we go off on tangents without ever getting back to the subject we were discussing. My friends have already said they're going to make me socialize more since I'm on campus and no longer have commuting as an excuse. I'm really looking forward to that.

After classes were over, earlier than they usually will be since there are no labs today, I ran some errands. Getting my post office box, taking care of some last minute paper-work, just more things I needed to finally settle in. Hopefully, I'll get to meet my roommate soon. All I know about her is that she's a senior and a music major. Right now, however, it's time to make flashcards for my Spanish vocabulary and grab some lunch - not necessarily in that order.

Calm waters

2009-01-09T22:32:00.006-06:00

Things here are starting to look like they might calm down. Logically, I'm thinking this simply because I'm heading to campus tomorrow...or I'm thinking this way to avoid thinking about heading to campus tomorrow. There's really no telling. I'm looking forward to the move - really I am. This will ensure a lot more time to hang out with friends, a lot less time spent commuting, and, coincidentally, a lot less money going towards gas for my new/old 'Stang.

However, I'm really going to miss a lot about home. Never mind that I'm less than an hour's drive away. I'll miss my oh so sweet and logical mother who is my best friend and my coach. She has always helped me stay on task and I've done the same for her.

I'll miss cutting up and joking around with my stepdad, who I call Elrond. I can always go to either of those two any time I have a problem. Despite his demanding work schedule, working two jobs and holding an assistant manager position at one, Elrond always makes time for me and anything he knows is important to me or Mom.

I'll even miss my hard-as-nails grandma, never mind what I might say to the contrary. A lot of the time, her heart's in the right place. She still needs to teach me how to cheat good when we play games. ;) I guess her secret is number crunching; after all, she always acts as the score-keeper.

I'm going to miss our awesome neighbor Nessa and her family. Her kids are so sweet - if they don't keep up with their homework and do what is asked of them, I'll come home just to straighten them out. Nessa has always lent an ear if I find myself needing to get away or get hacked off at Mom or just want to yammer about Twilight. We've got an open door policy between our two households and I don't think we could've asked for better neighbors. I can only hope my roommate and suite-mates will be half as sweet. :)

I'm also going to miss TV. The best I can get in the dorms is basic cable, which is hardly worth the effort. While I don't watch TV all that often, I do have shows I follow: House MD, Top Chef, Project Runway, Top Design, Shear Genius, Solitary, Criss Angel Mindfreak, and Wife Swap to be specific. (I know it sounds like I'm a reality TV junkie, but I swear I'm not.) Although I say I'll miss this, logic and experience both tell me that I won't have time. My first semester on campus, although I still didn't get much done, I don't remember ever touching the TV. Besides, why haul the heavy thing and put it the only place it'll fit - the top of the closet - just so I'll have to climb onto my end table whenever I want to turn it on? Such a headache (plus a backache for Elrond, who is glad I'm on the first floor) when my laptop is lighter, more conveniently placed, and much more portable if I want to lounge on my bed while browsing youtube.

I'll miss my two year old half sister, who lives with my Dad. Yeah, I know I can come home every weekend if I wanted and visit her. I could even come home and take her back to school with me for the weekend, I bet. Still, I'm just going to miss being able to go to Dad's house anytime I want and see her big blue eyes and her smile and hear her yell "Sissy!" before rattling off the names of all five of our dogs, asking if she can go see them. My world revolves around that little angel anytime she's near me. Who could resist this face?

So, tomorrow, I will leave the safety and familiar routine that is my home to go to school, go back to theater, and hang out with some real characters. My best friend, for one, who just got his own apartment and is so proud of his new place that I just find it adorable. This guy is like my other half when I'm at school. Each of us is the other's eyes and ears amongst our gossipy classmates. Not that we're not just as bad. ;)

It'll be good to see the professors too. I actually miss a few of my teachers! Namely my theater teachers. The department head is, I'm almost sorry to say, the only man with a walk that can be described as "fussy." The more irritated he gets, the fussier his walk. Then, there's Ms. Glitter, who I didn't have in class last semester and whose quirkiness I have missed so much! She's teaching two of my classes this spring. :D I just hope my ADD can tolerate her constant verbal flitting from subject to subject during class. She's very easily distracted (might be ADD too?) and the students take full advantage of it since we get no such luck with the dept. head. Our newest prof just joined the department last semester and I wish I had her this spring. Not that I won't still see her, of course. She's the sound specialist and boy did she teach me a lot last fall! The last one of the bunch is the costume shop supervisor, who I've never been taught by in a classroom setting. Since I'll be learning how to sew (groan...) I'll get to spend more time with her too.

Oh, I can't wait to get back to school!

Drama belongs onstage

2009-01-08T13:58:00.003-06:00

Anyone who has been reading Nessa's blog or my Mom's blog has no doubt been following a lot of what's been going on. Mom reminded me I needed to blog and that I sure as heck had plenty to blog about, so here we go: the one subject I didn't want to discuss here. This is my view on these issues. Nothing more.

I hate it when real life starts to feel like some sort of stupid soap opera. So much drama has been revolving around these four little angels: two year old twins, their four year old brother, and six year old sister. Although its been revolving around them, nobody who has been directly involved (their family, the people who are supposed to care) has cared at all about those same kids, instead putting them in the middle of a tug-of-war. They're not releasing any information about what condition the children's father is in, although they've allegedly been in town the past four days instead of at the hospital while we had the kids.

They've got them now. I'm sure they'll be taken out of the state and away from their Mom as soon as the courts allow it. These poor kids have been in such turmoil these days, never knowing what they'll be doing or where they'll be from one day to the next, not having any sort of routine, asking questions about whichever parents they're not with. The rumor mills in our super-small town have been churning and chugging away; I'm doing all I can to ignore the predictions of what's going to happen, what did happen, and who did what to whom.

Right now, I'm trying my hardest to keep my focus on this coming weekend. I'll be moving back to campus, away from whatever fallout this might have later. I'll be able to get back into my regular routine at school. Boy, is this semester going to be a busy one! Here's a glimpse at my schedule, which I may end up detailing in a later blog.

Monday, Wednesday, and Friday: Spanish is first at 9 am. Joy. Ever so much joy and rapture. *eyeroll* At 10, I go to Tech II and get to learn about costuming. (Pardon me while I groan piteously.) At 11 is language lab, followed by an hour break for lunch, then three hours worth of lab work for my theater classes. School day officially ends at four.

Tuesday, Thursday: First up is the theater department's writing intensive course, theory & criticism at 9:25 am. Seems I plugged my two most difficult classes into my morning routine. This is good, I keep reminding myself, because I'm generally more focused in my morning classes. At 10:50, I'll go to makeup design, which I am so looking forward to. Maybe the professor can tell me something about putting on makeup that won't disappear once I put my glasses on... These are my short days, ending with health at 1:00 and 2:15 signaling the day's academic end.

What a way to start 2009...

The holidays in ten sentences

2009-01-02T20:42:00.003-06:00

What an enjoyable, relaxing holiday I've had! On Christmas Day, we visited my stepdad's family and my stepbrother came to town to announce his recruitment into the Army, which has us all both proud and nervous. I made out like a bandit in the gift department, even without counting the car amongst my presents. Some of my favorites included the kick-ass pair of boots, the brand new iPod, the perfume, the old books, and the giant stuffed shrimp.

The books are amazing, all of them first editions with copyright dates ranging from 1875 to 1912 and subjects ranging from a beginning Spanish dictionary to etiquette to a brief study of the ancient Romans to works by Washington Irving and Herman Melville. However, I've been neglecting this blog, which I hope to stop shunting aside and procrastinating over. The final count on baked goods was 66 dozen and the leftovers from X-mas dinner are slowly being emptied from the fridge. My Twilight reading has progressed, although I'm using audiobooks, which is irritating and makes comprehension difficult. The cabinet I built, which measures 6' x 4' x 1' and is made of medium density fiberboard, is still on the porch; I hope to get it inside and anchored to the wall this weekend. Although I'm still nervous about a lot of things, not the lest of which is the fear of flaking out and failing, I can't wait to get back to school and back to my usual schedule.

My poor abandoned blog!

2009-01-01T13:23:00.003-06:00

Image of Serenity by Gaslight pulled from www.fireflyfans.net

Holidays, Vampires, Mustangs, and Finals

2008-12-06T10:36:00.006-06:00

Well, it's that time of year again. Contrary to the music I've recently added to my blog, I'm not referencing the holidays. No, instead, I'm talking about finals: those dreaded, generally cumulative exams all college students must slough through before Christmas Break, an interim period that stretches just long enough to ensure complete insanity and non-comprehension when everyone returns to school in January. Those first few days of classes, the green room is always so filled, so noisy, so chaotic, you can hardly tel one conversation from the other. These days, this close to the end of the semester, it's the exact opposite.

Gripes abut professors, moans over going to class as textbooks are opened, seniors frantic to graduate rather than spend another semester in school, all this seems to lessen and increase at the same time as the semester winds down. Some people, myself included, are alternating between studying and procrastinating, planning our study schedules around our exams. Others are already making holiday plans. I've recently learned two of my friends from school live in Austin, which was cool to find out. More good news: I got a new (old) car, an '86 Mustang Capri. It's not much of a looker at all, but I love it. We had some bad luck today, though.

Today was my first day of exams and man, was it crazy! I got a flat on the way to school, which was ever so much fun, especially since I was worried I would be late to my first test. After making phone calls to my best friend and my Mom, who called my cousin, I eventually got to school...just in time to discover that my 11:30 exam which I've been studying for all weekend is in fact scheduled for...tomorrow.

Yeah. That was fun.

After that, I proceeded to the scene shop to work on the cabinet I'm building for my technical theater class. This time tomorrow, it will be sitting in the dining room, probably being painted since I ran out of time. The final for that class is 8 a.m. tomorrow, followed by the history final I thought I had today.

Despite my moment of complete foolishness, I did remember one of my exams, thank god. This afternoon, I took my final for English, a one-question essay test we were allowed to use the text for. To make things even easier, we were able to choose from about twenty questions, so I could afford to be picky. ;)

On Thursday I have my last exam which is for Spanish. *cringe* Oh, how I dread that one. After that exam, however, I'll be finished for the semester and will just have to wait for grades to be posted. Once I finish my finals, I'll also get to get back to my latest recreational reading: the Twilight series. I've only read the first book so far - in two days as a matter of fact - and can't wait to read the rest. I don't ever see myself owning the books, but I'm enjoying reading them.

So, what book did you read last? Did you like it? What's next on your reading list? When did you last have car trouble? I hope everyone find their 'knight in shining armor' to help them off the side of the road.

Happy holidays; try not to run over anything your tires won't like! ;)

Auditions and Thanksgiving

2008-11-29T22:23:00.004-06:00

"Acting is a sport. On stage you must be ready to move like a tennis player on his toes. Your concentration must be keen, your reflexes sharp; your body and mind are in top gear, the chase is on. Acting is energy. In the theatre people pay to see energy." - Clive Swift

What a week its been! Monday and Tuesday, I was heavily occupied with auditions for my school's production for West Side Story. As a techie who has never 'gone into the light' as an actress while in college, this was a very big step for me. As a person who rarely speaks up in front of people, can't dance, and never ever ever sings in front of people, my mere presence at auditions was downright monumental. I was one of sixty-six people there to audition, all of us feeding off one another's energy and nervousness. The open auditions meant there were a lot of non-theater people there; twenty-something people from the theater department showed up that I saw.

Once everyone filled out contact information sheets and signed a contract, we split in half with one group learning a small amount of coraeography ten people at a time and the rest giving cold reading in groups of two or three. I started with the cold reading where I was teamed with two other girls and read as Rosalia. After that, I waited nervously for my turn to dance and eventually went into the workshop theater with nine other people.

The coreographer showed us some "simple" coreography for the song 'Cool.' Of the ten people in that room, I was the only one who didn't get it. I just stood there at times, trying to figure out what I needed to do to get to the next position. The fact that the coreography was stylized a lot like the movie didn't help. After that lovely little failure, I drove home with my tail between my legs, constantly reminding myself that at least I had tried and telling myself that no matter how badly I'd screwed up, I would go to the next evening's auditions. If nothing else, this would prove to the director and to me that I could do what was required for the audition.

The next night, Tuesday, was much easier since it was the singing audition. I may not be able to dance, but I can sing and I like to think I can act. My song was from Avenue Q. If I say so myself, I nailed that portion of the audition. Everyone has had to wait through Thanksgiving break since results won't be posted until Monday. Now I'm not sure which way I want things to go: whether I want a role on-stage or not.

Over Thanksgiving break, I went to my Dad's family reunion with my dad, step-mom, and two year old half-sister. It was a lot of fun. I've also received a new car: an '86 Mustang Capri. It's not the prettiest with its cancer gray color, but I'm slowly getting used to it and really enjoying it. Wednesday, I have an exam in Spanish and a final in Tech. All in all, it'll be a fun week.

Verbalism on the letter V

2008-11-26T16:47:00.006-06:00

So apparently there's this new fad of blogs based around a letter of the alphabet. My mom's done it, as have several other people, so I asked Mom to give me a letter. We picked randomly with a very sophisticated piece of equipment - Mom held up my laptop and I shut my eyes and pointed at the keyboard. The result (after hitting two number keys) was the letter V. So, here we go.

Valentines candies

I love munching on these little candy hearts every February. So many sweet little messages and so much variety: I've had chewy conversation hearts, tart ones, sweet tarts, and jumbo sized ones. People don't generally give me chocolate around Valentines Day; they give me conversation hearts.

Valise

With all the traveling I do this semester, I actually had a bag of extra clothes in the car just in case I ever had to stay the night. During the run of Godspell, I was stranded on campus because my car went belly up - on tech weekend, prefect timing. :P Next semester, I'll be living in the dorms, so there'll be no more packing for a night of couch-dwelling.

Vampires

Ah, these creatures of the night have triggered such a craze recently! I haven't had a chance to read the Twilight series yet, but have always loved Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles...until she tried to turn Lestat into a Christian...

Vacation

I think I know what this word means... Right now, I'm on Thanksgiving break, which is only two and a half days - Wednesday at noon through Friday. Christmas break will be much nicer since I've got about a month off.

Ventriloquist

Jeff Dunham is a hilarious ventriloquist. Anyone unfamiliar with this name needs to set aside a few hours with youtube at least. My favorite puppet is Peanut, though Achmed the Dead Terrorist runs a very close second.

Victory

Arguably the best 'v' word out there. Who doesn't love the feeling of victory, the rush of winning, being the best? Yeah, I thought so. ;)

Vanilla

A delicious flavoring...or - if you travel the "right" circles - a hilarious joke about "the normals."

Victor/Victoria

Excellent musical that can be complicated if you try and describe it to someone else. It's a show about a female who's masquerading as a man who's pretending to be a woman.

Value

As this image shows, most women will do anything for a good sale. I look for bargains and have noticed a lot of strange things: like how a $10 pair of shoes from WalMart will last easily five times as long as a $50 or $200 pair of name-brand shoes. Why a person would spend $200 on a pair of shoes is beyond me...

Varec

This is also known as seaweed or kelp. So delicious when wrapped around sticky rice and raw fish or added into a good egg drop soup with some tofu. Seaweed salad is another excellent dish.

Vanish

Pictured above is illusionist, escape artist, and mindfreak Criss Angel. Anyone unfamiliar with this man's modern day mysticism needs to spend some time on youtube or catch a showing of his reality show, Mindfreak. He's doing a show with Cirque du Solei this year; I'd just about do anything to get to see a live show or just see him in Las Vegas.

Vanessa

As soon as I got the letter 'v' this word came to mind. Nessa lives across the street and she's such a wonderful neighbor and an amazing friend. She's got a big heart, a wonderful sense of humor, and a bad habit of putting other people first. ;) It's said to save the best for last and I figure that's just what I've done. Love you, Nessa! *hugs*

Tags and giveaways

2008-11-15T13:00:00.008-06:00

Another great giveaway is being offered at Sunshine and Lemonade, this one geared especially towards Twilight fans. I haven't been sucked into this fandom...yet...but it's growing harder and harder to resist as I grow more and more curious. Right now, I'm trying to decide which of my friends I can hit up to borrow the series and read it since certain other friends have hinted at bodily harm if I don't give it a chance. ;)

Next on the docket is taking care of this tagging issue. Apparently, my Mom tagged me, so I must pass on the favor.

The rules are simple. I link back to the person who tagged me (done above), share 7 random facts about myself, tag seven random people, and let them know they've been tagged by commenting on their blogs.

First up: seven random facts about me.

1. After high school, I tried going into the Navy - stress on the word 'tried.' Only making it through three weeks of an eight week boot camp, I was sent back to the civilian world with an OTH (Other Than Honorable) discharge. After a year in the work force, I headed off to college and haven't heard from Uncle Sam since.

2. I love role-playing. Dungeons & Dragons, White Wolf games, or play-by-post websites. One site I've been on for three years now, the only role-playing site I really visit anymore, has a weekly 'tradition' of sorts that started when I lived on campus in fall of '06. Every Friday is YouTube night: we go to YouTube and browse different vids, normally Firefly based, and share the URLs in the shout box. What started between myself and an equally bored administrator has since become almost site-wide.

3. I have automatonophobia, a fear of dummies, animatronic figures, wax figures, etc. When did I learn this? Standing in a mental health hospital turned museum surrounded by 20+ wax figures. Yeah. That was entertaining.

4. I love trying new foods. Sushi, dolma (stuffed grapevine leaves), manacotti, naan (East Indian flatbread), matzo... The list goes on and on; I'm a true 'foodie.'

5. I played clarinet for seven years and am one of a handful in my family with musical talent. Those who have heard me claim I can sing, but I don't do it all that often. With rehearsals for West Side Story coming up next week, this may change. ;)

6. I love live theater and I got to go see Stomp last night! The show was absolutely amazing and well worth the $5 I paid for my ticket. I went with my school's theater department and we had a bake sale during our last show. That money, combined with a group discount, and some help from the department's financial backers let to a spectacular show for a wonderfully college-friendly price.

7. I was diagnosed with adult ADD last year. Very interesting since the Navy diagnosed me as having OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) tendencies before they sent me home. When these two work against each other it can be...fun. Since I enjoy learning the 'why' behind things, this helped explain an awful lot for me.

Alright, facts done! (It's only take me three days to write this. How's that for ADD?) Now, to tag.

First up is Redneck Mommy. I don't recall just what took me to this blog, but I've loved reading it. Some of these posts have had me cracking up!

Next up is Rhea. This woman has an interesting take on life and a good eye for pictures. Her blog is well worth a look and has become part of my morning routine.

Pink Ink is another must tag in my book. This is one of the newest on my list of blogs to read and I'm so glad it's on my list. Keep working at that novel; you've already surpassed me and Mom!

We're now on day four of working on this blog and I need four more tags.

Waking Spirits

2008-11-12T07:18:00.007-06:00

As promised, this blog will focus on the Cemetery Walk. It was held on Nov. 2 and was absolutely wonderful to see. A good majority of the actors and actresses involved were from my school and the theater department helped with all the costuming. Although we showed up later and ended up missing one performance, all the monologues and duologues we saw were wonderfully delivered and most were very well written. The first performance we saw was of Josh and Harriet Lucas, played by my friends Van and Courtney.

Don't these costumes look great? Josh and Harriet were some of the first black residents of this cemetery until they were moved to an all Negro cemetery at the suggestion of Ms. Pearl Wylie Cage, a woman who lived with all kinds of powerful connections, working for the "greater good" as she saw it. (Pictured on the right)

According to Ms. Cage - whose actress moved around too quickly for me to get many clear shots - the cemetery's colored residents had to move so that the cemetery could expand. This part was very well cast, the actress well coached. She played the part very well.

Of course, my favorite monologue of the day (also the best of the nine we saw) was delivered by Mr. Bernie Connally and written by yours truly. Bernie Connally lived in the small town of Selden with his mother, grandmother, and stepfather Francis Marion "F.M." Snow. The two men butted heads constantly, F.M. unable to understand exactly why his stepson always had his nose in some book. While Bernie was always seen with his books, F.M. was just as meticulous: he was never without his hunting dogs, his rifle, or his double-bladed axe. One November evening when Bernie was about 20 years old, F.M. met him coming home from a trip into Stephenville to sell lumber to local farmers. Joining his stepson in the wagon, the two remained quiet, each still fuming over a fight that had taken place earlier that day.

As Bernie turned, perhaps to speak to his stepfather, he was shot in the back, a second bullet going through his chest. His body fell to the ground, loaded into the back of the wagon by Snow, who continued towards home, stopping near an old abandoned farmhouse long enough to decapitate his stepson and leave the head in a tow sack in the cellar. It was found by two local hunters and, soon enough, was put on display in the local funeral home. The hope was that someone could identify the head. In the space of a few hours, Bernie became the missing child of some 200 couples, many coming from Houston and Ft. Worth in search of their sons.

Finally, Bernie was correctly identified. The farm was searched from top to bottom and Snow was eventually convicted of three counts of first degree murder; not only had he decapitated Bernie, but he'd shot his wife and mother in law. Using the axe, he chopped their bodies like kindling and burned them in the stove. He agreed to go with the Sheriff on the grounds he wouldn't be hanged. "Little did F.M. know, hanging had been outlawed [in the county] two days before." He went to the electric chair.

Any ghost stories in your area? In your family? What's your favorite urban legend?

Sophomore slump and chaotic calendars

2008-11-07T07:14:00.002-06:00

This week has been so strange; for some reason, I've been losing track of days. This Tuesday, I didn't realize until almost lunch-time that it was Tuesday and Stop Kiss would open that night. Wednesday, I thought it was Monday, and yesterday I'm not sure I knew what day it was. I've also had music from Godspell in my head all week long, which is really unusual since we've finished that play and it would normally be out of my head by now. Doing follow-spot and being on headset for the production didn't help since the songs are layered with cue calls from the stage manager. Oh, well. Maybe I'll get my head screwed on straight by Monday...

School's going pretty well, I think. Thanks to the beauty of a professor who believes in and uses the curve grading system, my Spanish test got bumped from a C to a B. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my decision to do a dual major and whether or not I want to continue with it, whether or not I can continue with it. On my drive home yesterday, realization hit me over the head like a bolt of lightening. I'm a sophomore in college. I've hit the dreaded sophomore slump! That thought explained everything: my doubts about the future, doubts about my decisions, boredom in class, and all the rest of it. I'm so glad I figured out a cause of sorts. This means that next time I start doubting and second guessing myself, I can take a mental step back and say "wait. You know why you're doing this; things are getting stressful. Just let it go and keep doing what you have to do."

I'll blog more later, including the promised pictures of the cemetery walk. Tomorrow I've got Stop Kiss at 7:30 with strike immediately following the performance and next Sunday, I get to go see Stomp!

Back and forth

2008-11-03T19:10:00.003-06:00

With a word count of over 3000 on my novel and Stop Kiss opening tomorrow night, I'm sure I should be thrilled. However, I'm too much of a realist for that. ;) Rather than being thrilled about my word count, still 2000 short of where it should be today, or tickled about the upcoming play that so many of my friends are involved in, I'm just taking things one day at a time, doing what I need to do and collapsing afterward.

The time change on Sunday has everybody out of whack, I'm sure. I've been tired most of the afternoon/evening, felt like I was slogging through Jello, and almost fell asleep on the drive home - thank God for the power of Green Day on full blast. I'm a little nervous about this fatigue since some kind of bug has been circulating the theater department. Today, in the green room, we discussed the high probability that some sickness or other will strike right around West Side Story, the first production of next semester. With such a large cast spending so much time together in rehearsals, it's practically guaranteed. We managed to avoid any cast-wide cold/flu epidemics during Godspell, though a lot of the crew took sick. Then again, Godspell only had a nine person cast. West Side's cast will surely contain half the department!

After discussing the upcoming possibility of illness, we got onto another of our odd subjects of conversation. Fairly often, whomever is in the green room will start up some deep conversation that will often turn into a debate. Abortion, same sex marriage, spousal/child abuse, I'm pretty sure we've covered a lot of the biggies. Why? No idea. Maybe we're proving to ourselves that we can be intellectual and artistic at the same time? Lol. Today's topic shifted between theater majors - how we decided to do this, what we said to convince our parents we weren't selling our futures, etc. and homosexuals. I didn't have a huge argument or anything of the sort with my parents about my theater major. Then again, it is only a part of my degree. Still, it makes me very grateful to have understanding parents who are willing to let me spread my wings without them and discover what I want in life. Some of my friends aren't so lucky.

The homosexuality subject was one I joined in on readily, sitting and siding with two of the four gay students in our department. We, of course, made simple anti-homophobic comments based on our own experiences. It was pointed out that acts, not people, are homosexual and nobody would chose to be homosexual. As a resident of a very small town in Central Texas, I've never been able to stand up and say "this is who I am and proud to be." To do such a thing in high school would've earned me nothing but daily beatings from my peers. Now, in college, most in this two mile by two mile town know I'm gay, though I don't often admit to it if asked. It's not a lack of pride; it's self-preservation. Now that I'm in college, my view has changed to the truth as I see it: my sexuality is nobody's business but mine. Today's green room discussion, like so many, ended in a sort of stale-mate as people had to depart for class. I myself had a Spanish test which I feel I passed.

To completely jump subjects, I had an excellent weekend, despite the dragging day that was Tech. On Sunday, I went with my Mom, Stepdad, Dad, and adorable two year old half-sister (whose world revolves around me, quite appropriately) to the cemetery walk. I knew two of the performers, pictures of whom will come later, and felt that my monologue was the best of the bunch. Of course, before everything started, I got a little shaken as I realized a terrifying truth: I didn't remember writing the monologue. I knew, knew, knew I had turned it in, but for the life of me couldn't remember writing a word! Checking my laptop's files put me in a further state of worry and panic. I couldn't find a complete copy of said monologue. Did I finish it? Of course I did. After all, if I hadn't finished it, they would've handed it back and let me know I had left out the murder of my character. Kind of an important detail since it's what he's known for.

As it turned out, though I never did recognize any of the delivered monologue as belonging or not belonging to me, the actor who delivered it had taken the time to do research on the part and had edited the manuscript to add in the things he'd learned. He seemed so worried, apologizing for changing my writing. I just smiled and reassured him that it was beyond fine and he'd done a wonderful job.

Enough yammering for now. I'll post pics of the cemetery walk this week. time to work on my novel and finish studying for an English test.

Paint spattered and still typing...

2008-11-01T21:43:00.002-05:00

Today, I was off to a roaring start for NaNoWriMo, writing over 1300 words in just under an hour. If only tech weekend hadn't gotten in my way... Oh, well. I spent my day painting set pieces, moving curtains to mask the backstage, and hanging scenery for Stop Kiss. The ten hour tech was longer than I'm used to and I'm pretty sure we still had things to do; it was more a question of space and a lack of multi-person jobs that prompted Mark to start sending people home. Not asking any questions, I headed out the door once dismissed, letting the other ladies stay put for "girl's night." I'd like to go, but they're heading off to see The Promise, which I've seen before. Besides that, to drive all the way out there, see the show, get back to school, and then drive home, I'd be gone until far too late for my own tastes. The show opens on Tuesday and I must say, though I'll love seeing it on Saturday night, it's rather pleasant to not be involved for a change. I'm not in the play, or on the prop crew, light crew, run crew, board op, or anything of the like. Might make some cookies for the bake sale we're having during the run of the show, but I'm still metaphorically dragging my feet about it all...

I've been broadening my reading list...my online reading list, I mean, thanks to some blogs my mom pointed me towards. One in particular had quite a wicked kickoff to a ten week long series of giveaways. I just had to join in on the fun over at Sunshine and Lemonade!

More good news: on Facebook, I've recently gotten back in touch with my best friend from high school, a girl I haven't seen or spoken with since '95. It's so great to be talking to her again; she's one of the few readers I know that are as ravenous as I am; we used to spend our time together not talking. Instead, each of us would be curled on an end of the couch, noses buried in books. Sometimes, I truly do love the miracle of technology... It brought my best friend back to me!

Well, I'd continue this, but still have about 600 words to get into my novel before the day is out. Til tomorrow, then, I wish all my readers a shiny day!

Wardrobe, work, and woe

2008-10-31T14:13:00.004-05:00

I'd like to wish a Happy Halloween and Blessed Samhain to all! I went to school today in costume and enjoyed a lot of the reactions I got. Not many people at school wear costumes all day the way I do, so I guess they weren't expecting to see a devil walking towards them looking like this (um...add some devil horns to the top; I forgot to put them back on before I took this pic...)

I got a few stares and a lot of "cool" and "looks good!" My favorite compliment, however, came from a girl in my sound design class. As I walked in, all smiles with a black velvet cape billowing behind me and my backpack giving me a hunchback, she returned my smile. "You would be in costume. That's awesome!" Today's costume provided very few mobility issues, but comfort was a minor sacrifice. My own fault, I suppose, for wearing boots that have heels of about 2 1/2 inches. Oh, well. I've always had fun showing my Halloween spirit!

Checking my calendar put me in a minor panic as I realized tomorrow is November first, the official beginning of NaNoWriMo 2008. I haven't touched my plot or my characters since late August/early October and have no idea whether or not I'm ready to dive headfirst into the story starting tomorrow. I did find an excellent motivational tool here. The simple textbox that is provided - after the main menu - lets you type freely and keeps track of your word count at the bottom. If you stop typing, depending on which mode you choose, you'll either receive a pop=up message or hear an annoying sound once a certain amount of time has passed. The screen changing colors makes it even easier to keep track of time's passage, how long your fingers have been motionless, etc.

Tomorrow, as well as launching NaNoWriMo, will cue the final tech weekend of the fall semester. Fun stuff, always. I also have the cemetery walk on Sunday, a test in Spanish Monday, and a test in English Tuesday. Tuesday marks the opening night of 'Stop Kiss,' our last mainstage production of the fall semester, which will run through Saturday. A bake-sale will be going on during the run of the show to raise funds for the theater club. Strike will be Saturday Nov. 8 immediately after performance with a post-production critique Monday the 10th at 4 pm. On the 15th, several members of the theater club are going to see Stomp, a trip I'd love to go to but keep talking myself out of. I'll likely be spending Thanksgiving studying for finals, which begin the first week of December. The more I think of all this, the more I wonder just how crazy I am to be trying NaNoWriMo this year...

A thread in the NaNoWriMo forums proved that most WriMos who don't succeed fail simply because they don't start. Of course, for me to cite this fact seems something of a moot point since I've never broken a word-count of 10K. Oh, well. This year, I'm going to have fun and stick with it.

I'm off to study Spanish and eat candy. Everybody stay safe tonight!

Schedules

2008-10-26T21:12:00.004-05:00

What a terrific weekend! My mom has already blogged about it briefly. Now, the activity has died down and all is peaceful again as everyone crawls into bed to prepare for Monday. Ah, Monday... My weeks are very hectic, quite a lot of my free time claimed by school. Here's my planned routine for this week.

Monday: Alarm goes off at six. Whether I wake up then or not remains to be seen. Nevertheless, I know I'll be up by 7:30 to take our family's babysitting charges to school, never mind my own trek to school. NaNoWriMo should actually push my wake up back an hour, so that's a five a.m. alarm to buy an hour's writing time - assuming I stick to that. School starts at nine a.m. with sound design, an amazingly awesome class and one of three theater classes I am enrolled in this semester. We spend the class period discussing mics, amps, connectors, recording methods, and a lot more. It's just plain fun; there's a lot of hands on work and projects and the like that keep me busy as far as homework. After sound design, I have Spanish at ten a.m. What we do in this class is pretty self-explanatory. There are four other theater majors in this class, so it's not too bad. Our professor is from Puerto Rico, which makes her pronunciation difficult to understand, but she brings a lot to the class, telling us about different Spanish cultures. After Spanish is Technical Theater I at eleven o'clock. This class, taught by the department head, is arguably my favorite class of the semester. In Tech, we've been learning the basics of scenic construction: wood, power tools, hand tools, pneumatic (air powered) tools, fasteners, etc. After lunch, at one, I go to my language lab for an hour. These lab hours are spent doing Spanish exercises on the computer. After lab, I'm done for the day and normally get home around three or four.

Tuesday: The early wake-up calls continue. First up at school is history at nine twenty-five. My history prof is awesome. He loves theater majors and has been cast in productions quite often. He's got a great sense of humor. Next on the docket is Backgrounds of Western Literature. My professor holds her masters degree...and knows it. This is the prof I tire of because she gives the same lecture every day before we get to our assigned text. "When you read a work that has been translated, you are being affected by the word choice of the translator and receive the translator's opinions on said piece of work." No shit, Sherlock! On and on she goes, showing us three different translations of the same text, a twenty line segment we will analyze or, more often, stare at mutely while she points out the subtle differences in word choice between each translation. If I learn nothing else in this class, I feel sure I'll know, for the rest of my life, that reading a work that has been previously translated gives it a bent which matches the point of view of the translator. After Lit. class, I head to lunch and then go to the costume shop from 1-4. Generally, lab students will assist however needed for whatever the next production is or work on a personal project - something they or a family member/friend will wear/use. Right now, several of us are making various sizes and types of vests for the theater department to use in the future. These days, I get home around six.

Wednesday: See Monday. Lather, rinse, repeat. At two in the afternoon, I go to a writer's meeting for our improv troupe's weekly performance. At four, IMPROV at Tarleton performs. Shows last one hour. I get home around six or seven.

Thursday: See Tuesday. Lather, rinse, repeat. No lab hours. Get home after lunch if I leave once class is over.

Friday: See Monday. Lather, rinse, repeat. Lab hours from 1-4 in the scene shop. Here, I help build anything from set pieces to props to flats (false walls) or help paint. These lab hours are attached to my tech theater class and get averaged in as part of my grade. At the end of the semester, the scene shop supervisors - older students who are employees of the university's fine arts department and designate tasks/instruct lab students - will administer a proficiency test, making sure we know how to properly use all the tools in the shop.

Saturday: This weekend will not be like most. Because we have a play performing next week (Nov. 4-8) this Saturday is our designated Tech Weekend. During Tech, the entire theater department gets together to run around doing last minute preparations, builds, paint jobs, light hangs, sound checks, and anything else that isn't quite finished. It's insane and I love it all. I'll have to find NaNo time in the evening.

Sunday: For an even more unusual weekend, we've got the second annual Spirits of Erath County Cemetery Walk performed in the afternoon. Starting in '07, this is a sort of historical reenactment in miniature. Students selected from the theater department (including me) are assigned a specific person/pair that helped found Erath County and the city of Stephenville, where Tarleton is located. Different theater students get into period garb provided by the department and perform the monologues written by their peers in the local cemetery. It's a lot of fun.

Alright. I'd love to type more, but have been typing in the dark for about twenty minutes and my eyes can't take much more. What does your typical week look like?

Word count: 943

Overheard conversation snippets

2008-10-13T15:27:00.003-05:00

So, I'm sitting here in the FAC Mac lab, killing time until this afternoon's post-production critique for our last production, Wylie and the Hairy Man. With nothing to really do, study, etc. I'm half-way listening to the conversations around me. Some interesting comments I've heard include:

"My mom actually wants me to get a tattoo! I'm so scared to get one." I'm proud to be inked, still planning my second tat. Finances is a huge influence for me. My first tattoo I didn't get until five years after figuring out just what I wanted. (Started planning at 16, didn't get it until 21) The delay didn't really bother me because it gave me more than enough times to change my mind. After five years, I still had the same idea, so I knew this wasn't something I would regret having on my body the rest of my life.

"I just don't understand kids these days..." I can't help but wonder how much right, if any, most college students have to make these sort of observations. Not that I don't... Still, in the minds of most, a lot of college students (especially freshman/sophomores) are still 'kids.'

"I'm pissed... No, whatever. I'm mad and that's it." Tell me my ears are tricking me, please. What the hell is this?

"Maybe she doesn't really like him, but if she does..." Ah, gossip! Such an amazing waste of time! I remember once a friend of mine actually made the mistake of asking my opinion. Someone she liked was ignoring her and she was getting 'I like you' texts from someone she didn't like and blah, blah, blah. Me: "We're not in high school anymore. You've already been and broken up with the guy who is ignoring you. Why would you want to get back with your ex? As for the texting that guy #2 likes you, if you don't like him like that, find out what he means when he says he likes you. If it's something you don't want to pursue, just tell him and see if he'll back off. Stop bitching about it; you've got a test tomorrow!"

Yeah... She hasn't asked me for advice since then. I won't tell you what you want to hear; I prefer to boil the problem down from the mountain its been turned into and look at it realistically. Can't help but wonder why college students, these people who are supposed to be my peers, are so concerned over who is dating who and who broke up with who and why and who is sleeping with who and where. Some of the things I've heard... *shudder*

I distinctly recall one night about a month ago when I heard about a friend's recent...sexual conquests. She's looking to me and the other two friends who were there, both of them freaking out as she asks us not to judge her. Poor thing clearly doesn't know me well. I look at her and told her the truth. "Hon, first of all, you're straight. Therefore, I don't care who you sleep with. Secondly, it's your choice and doesn't affect me at all. Again, I don't care. And thirdly, that doesn't change who you are or the fact that we're friends. I may not look at him the same way again or go there again, but it's not going to change anything between us." The hug she gave me made me wonder: just what kinds of friends does this girl have if she's worried about being judged over a fling?

And now, my random wonderings must cease, primarily because the room just emptied. I promise plenty more randomness later.

For a good laugh, check out the link in my title. This had some of my theater professors cracking up!

Word count: 628 {At some point, I'll stop doing this word count thing, I'm sure...}

November planning

2008-10-10T10:09:00.006-05:00

Here it is; my first blog entry...FINALLY! I've been in the grip of writer's block, or so I tell myself. It seems more likely that I'm wanting to write something that "has meaning" or some such nonsense; something that's more than me just talking about my life. Then, I realized, again...for about the billionth time in my life, I'm sure...that all that matters for me is that I write. As my mom always says "you have time for what you make time for; make time for what's important" and "you have to repeat a task until it becomes habit." That's what I'm trying to do: make writing a habit. Why? Well, I'm glad you asked.

Writing is something I've always wanted to do. However, I've never been able to actually finish writing a story. As a result, my computer is bogged down with old stories, some of which will never see the light of day no matter how much potential they might have because, really, after five, seven, ten years, who cares? My storage unit also is (was) drowning with spare scraps of paper, extra spirals filled with random scribblings and sporadic stops and starts of story after story. In '05, I discovered National Novel Writers Month (NaNoWriMo) which can be found at www.nanowrimo.org and which I'll likely be plugging for all of October. NaNoWriMo is a world-wide event in which authors, both hopefuls and already established, work to compose 50,000 words in the month of November. I've participated since '06, but have never completed a work or even broken 10,000 words. This year, I'm changing tactics. Here's how.

#1 To get into the habit of daily writing, I'll be keeping this blog. (Duh.) What I'll wrote about remains to be seen.

#2 As a part of my blogging, I'll be keeping track of my word count so that I'm ready for NaNoWriMo. This necessity for word count might lead to a lot of repetition on my part, unneeded sentences, etc. (Much like this one.)

#3 Checking my schedule, I've noticed some very fortunate scheduling, which may help me succeed.

A. November starts on a Saturday. Hooray for weekend writing!

B. The one play TSU performs in November is scheduled for the first week of the month. Since I'm not cast onstage or placed backstage for anything, I'll only have to show up Saturday for strike (and to see the play, of course - hooray for free theater major tickets!) Better yet, my theater classes have no real mid-terms and my history mid-term was yesterday. This means the only exam I'll be studying for is in my English class.

C. My family already knows about my goal, as do several of my friends. My best friend (I hope) will be participating this year with me. Hello, word wars!

#4 Halloween candy goes on sale November 1. I'll be tearing off to the dollar store to buy large goody bags at half-off, which makes it .50 to 1.50 per bag! Hooray for cheap sugar!

#5 I plan on getting up earlier in the mornings, which will be my writing time. This will guarantee that I don't fall behind in classes and can do my homework and studying in the evenings.

That's the only plan I have so far. Now, I just have to figure out a plot... Already, the forums at NaNoWriMo have opened up to be flooded with participants as well as posts. I'm bumming around as scagamer, reading up on tips and tricks left by past winners of NaNo. A few things I need to remember:

1. School work > NaNovel

2. Delete key is off limits. Typos are okay.

2A. Re-reading is off limits. Typos are still okay.

2B. Visit NaNo forums, check BDV as reward. 1000 words = 10 minutes online goof-off.

2Ba. Use reward time during the day instead of in the a.m. so as to not be late for school.

3. If net wont' work, use M&M/candy reward method.

3A. Freeze candy when possible so it'll last longer. (Charleston Chews, York Peppermint Patties, generally anything that starts as "chewy;" no Bit-O Honeys though - must avoid breaking teeth)

4. When hit by writer's block, skip to next scene/next exciting scene.

5. School work > NaNovel

6. Coffee, Cherry Coke, etc. is your friend, but water is great too.

7. Snacks/meals are better when prep time is brief and/or someone else can fix it and/or it can be eaten with one hand.

8. Keep notebooks by bed, in backpack, in car, in pocket, etc. at all times. Writing utensil behind ear. If no utensil can be found, check green room/call board or hit up friends. Writing in blood is a last resort. ;)

9. Chain up and gag inner editor in late October. Feed editor intravenously while allowing muses and characters to feat in sumptuous fashion. Only release editor for school related projects. Ignore muffled screams.

Hm... I know there was supposed to be more here. Ah well. That gives me something to write about in my next blog. So, does anyone else plan on joining me in this madness? It's a lot of fun; I promise!

Now, for my plot ideas. Which one should I use!?

Idea #1 came to me in July/August. The story centers around a group of 20 something college students who will be better described below. They're all screwed up in their own special ways as they try to navigate life in the real world. The first character to talk to me is likely to be my Female Main Character (FMC). As I stood at the bathroom mirror, she appeared out of nowhere in all her OCD glory as she studied the counter top. "Would it really kill me if I moved the brush? It's been on that side of the sink for so long," she wondered. Slowly, with a slightly trembling hand I know she was trying to hide, she reached for the brush as if it were a bomb. Her fingers wrapped around the handle, moving as if she expected a snake to strike, the brush flying to the opposite side of the counter. As she moved her hand away, I saw her look up and smile wide, a look of simple victory. "Yay, me!"

The next character to appear, the Male MC, stood with smart military carriage, looking straight into the mirror. Slowly, slowly, he sighed, shoulders relaxing as he looked down. "I don't want to be here. This isn't for me," he whispered, posture still ramrod straight though he had relaxed. It took nothing for me to study him and realize he was in the Navy at his father's demand. He grew up in a military family, seemed more mature than several of the other characters, and didn't want to admit how scared he was, how much he wanted to get out. I saw him escaping the base only to be told he could leave anytime. An OTH discharge will cause his family to disown him as he tries to find his feet in the civilian world.

The supporting characters came next, one of them still trying to steal the spotlight. He's older, a sophomore or junior who acts as resident adviser to Navy boy and plays teacher's assistant in several freshman classes. This guy has both sympathy and attitude to spare, loves wearing all black, and is always two steps ahead of everyone else mentally. Quick witted and impatient of stupidity, he wont hesitate to tell a freshman their concerns of who to date are stupid. He's an academic through and through and loves that people judge him by appearance, expecting him to know nothing just because he's got a lip ring. This guy is the one I've got to pull from the spotlight a bit. The other SCs are pretty straight-forward cardboard characters at this point. The self proclaimed 60s flower-child is rooming with FMC, trying to get her to loosen up, do what feels right, etc. while the spoiled rich kid and the scholarship case who took a year off to work and save up more $ just might kill each other down the hall.

Idea #2 was inspired by the famed "play within a play" scene in Shakespeare's 'Midsummer Night's Dream.' It's fairly straightforward, but has more room for the random insanity of ninjas, zombies, et. al. that seem to infest NaNovels when the word count drops or the plot bunnies go on strike. For this idea, my MC is participatin in NaNoWriMo. It's a novel within a novel, or more to the pint, a NaNovel within a NaNovel.

Well, I've babbled plenty about my plans for November. More to come later, I'm sure. NaNoWriMo, here I come!

Word count: 1467; approximately 200 short of minimum daily word count for NaNo.