Hyperfocus - the key to my goals

Today was a hyperfocus day. That hyperfocus was what really brought me back to this blog. Hyperfocus is this amazingly awesome thing that comes part and parcel with attention deficit disorder, which I was finally diagnosed with my first year of college. (I'll save that story for more potential blog fodder.) My hyperfocus days are kind of rare, at least in my opinion. Others who know me might disagree, but hey, its my body and I know it best. Maybe I need to back-track and explain.

Hyperfocus, when it comes, allows me to narrow my normally wide focus down to just a few things. I never really know what I'm going to be focusing on until it happens; it's not something I can choose to do, though I've tried in the past. Sometimes, I'll get lucky and hyperfocus will kick in while I'm studying. It's not a side-effect of my medication either - which I actually didn't take today. Oops. Oh well. I managed fine without it. Today, fortunately, became a goal setting day.

Goal one: clean my bedroom. I've been wanting to do this for days. Today, I got it done. My closet got emptied and re-organized, my bed got fresh sheets put on it, and there are big empty spaces on my dresser and desks where piles of books, notebooks, and papers used to be. A few days ago, when this need to clean up my personal space started, I dug everything out of my closet and even got rid of a few things I never wore or had owned too long and wore too much. The rearranging was done carefully as well, deliberately designed to prevent me from pulling out the same dozen or so t-shirts that I wear all the time.

Goal two: blog again. Yes, yes, I know, my blog has been far too quiet for far too long. Real life caught up to me with a vengeance. That, too, I'll keep out of this particular entry. Things just got crazy during the semester. Today's entry is the first step on a new road of blogging.

Goal three: work out. I already walk daily - two miles a day average while walking the dogs. Today, I didn't take the dogs and man, oh, man did I kick up some dust! Using my iPod to keep my feet moving in rhythm, I kept up a steady pace, faster than a leisurely stroll, for the entire two miles! I felt so good as I was heading back home that I found myself looking around for a way to lengthen my route. I'm hoping to reach a point where walking can turn into jogging and, eventually, running. Only time will tell, I suppose.

Goal four: eat more. Tied in with goal three. By jogging, I can do twice the work and cover half the distance. Because I want to work out more and, in addition to my daily walk, will be taking a yoga class twice a week next semester, I know I've got to up my caloric intake. Every semester, school reaches a point where I don't have time to really eat as much as I need, never mind enjoying the meal. Then it hits the point where I simply don't enjoy the food because the options never change. Breakfast is the worst culprit, a meal I'm already not terribly fond of. Hopefully, this semester, I can figure out a balance.

Goal five: find next semester's class schedule. (So much for the room cleaning... I know it's in here somewhere...) I need to write down a schedule and include my classes, my meals, my work-out time, and a potential part-time job, along with study time, writing time, blogging time, down time, and time to do the work I need to do as part of a member of the theater department. Budgeting I'm not so hot on, but scheduling I think I can do.

I've read before that you're not supposed to share some goals with other people. Of course, that bit of advice was solely in reaction to writing and I have tried to keep a few of my story ideas under my hat. These goals, though, I'm sharing here so I can be held accountable.

Yeah, my blog on hyperfocus turned into me yammering about personal goals. Oh well. Welcome to the mind of an ADDer! What personal goals have you set? Which ones would you like to set? What holds you back from meeting your goals?

Freedom of speech protected only sometimes

Alright, I know I haven't blogged in ages, but man oh man do I ever have things to blog about right now! First, the stupid er, standard disclaimer to dissuade any comments that will end up deleted anyway. This is my blog. This is my opinion. This is my own little corner of the internet in which I can gripe and whine, bitch and moan, and throw all the text hissy-fits I want. This is my chance to tell the story as I see it, as I'm living it.

Everything started innocently enough. I'm on the cusp of my senior year in school, still a theater student, still happy as a clam spending my days in the classroom learning to do what I love and look forward to doing the rest of my life. This semester, I'm enrolled in Acting II and finally getting to do some acting. I snagged two roles in one of our one-acts and a small role in Major Barbara, the last main-stage play of the semester.

The one-act plays were intended to be a project for the advanced directing class. They were to be performed for free. The directors chose their own shows and paid royalties out of their own pockets to have these shows performed. Auditions were open to the community, as they always are, and we got a lot of interest which was excellent since the acting class only has a dozen students this semester. One of the plays selected is entitled Corpus Christi by Terrence Mcnally. The play in question, as I've understood, is set in 1950 Corpus Christi, Texas and follows the life and death of Joshua, a young gay man who passes on a message of love and acceptance for everyone. At the end of the play, he is crucified. Yes, his life parallels the life of Christ. His followers are all homosexual and all retain their Biblical names. Because I was not cast in the show and have not read the script, that is all I know.

Big shock - living in the Bible-belt, this show has been surrounded by controversy for the entire rehearsal process. I know the director. I know he is both a gay and a Christian. I know he had no agenda in choosing the first available production date (today) with it being so close to Easter. I know he is an intelligent man and I doubt he would've chosen Corpus Christi simply to rile people up. I genuinely believe his claim that he is passionate about the play and wanted to deliver the message of the work.

Some readers might notice I'm using the past tense a lot. Well, in the midst of the storm of controversy surrounding a single play, everybody continued rehearsing. In addition to Corpus Christi, the plays Road to Rome, Women of Lockerbie, and The Importance of Being Ernest were scheduled to perform. There was talk of protests from the community, which I recognize is their right. I'd also point out that 1. these plays were free admission and not at all a part of the theater department's regular season; they were only performing once 2. attendance to the plays was not required for anyone excluding, possibly, those in the directing class; as I am not enrolled in that class yet, I do not know. The audience size was severely restricted with only parents and spouses of cast members allowed. My guest list of eleven was narrowed down to four, then two as my grandparents would be unable to attend. The plays were moved to early morning instead of the afternoon, when they were originally scheduled. Then, last night at the technical/dress rehearsal, we were told our family members could only come to see the play we were in.

Five hours after leaving rehearsal, our last one, I was told by another cast member that the plays had been canceled completely. Ten or so hours before the first show was scheduled to go up, everything got canceled. Apparently, the call was made because of threats of violence against the actors, directors, and technicians, as well as against music students that had a jazz festival to perform. It too was canceled. With rumors of protest from groups that varied from local community Christians to the KKK and Black Panthers, I understand the concern. I understand the objections from people who have probably not read the play and can't seem to give any specific examples from the text of what it is that offends them against the play. Frankly. I'm not that small-minded. However, I do not understand why my school's newspaper would air their March 25 edition with the headline "The Show Must Go On," why the University President and Fine Arts department faculty would go on about protecting the students, allowing the play, protecting our own rights to free speech, for everything to be taken away from us. After a month long rehearsal process, which involved students from the community and the theater department, it was taken away...but there are still protesters in the parking lot outside the theater building. What are they objecting? The play got canceled. All the plays scheduled for today got canceled for good. They're protesting nothing!

In my mind, the fact that protesters are still allowed to gather while the theater students are not allowed to do what we're going to school for, what we're seeking careers in, what we love, speaks volumes about the school administration's view on the issue of "free speech."

The reason cited for the cancellation was safety and security for the students involved. So many threatening emails and calls were received by faculty members over a simple 45-minute play that there were worries over protecting the students. I can't, in all fairness, disagree with this, but those who caused the move to become necessary... Frankly, they sicken me. What ever happened to "judge not lest ye be judged," "love your neighbor as yourself," love the sinner hate the sin, etc.? Everyone involved in these shows, from Corpus Christi to The Importance of Being Ernest, is a human being who has lost their right to free speech so that the rights of protesters can be upheld. It's so refreshing to attend college and learn lessons like this. Free speech is only permitted so long as religion is untouched. Never knew it was that sacred. Thanks for setting me straight, Hicksville!

Had the shows not been canceled, I'd be taking my bow right about now.


UPDATE: Less than two dozen protesters turned up. To protest nothing. There were no signs or megaphones, no way to hear anything they were saying. Fifteen police cars were in the fine arts parking lot with barricades set up around the building. Inside of two hours, all of it was gone.

New Beginnings

Classes started today. At 8 am. How very thrilling - except not really. The good news: the 8 am class was all I had today. The better news: I made it to class on time. After class, however, my ear started acting up. Having an earache, a toothache, and a headache all at once, all on the same side of your head is no picnic, let me tell you.

All in all, the 8 am class really wasn't that bad. It was great getting to see everybody again, though the lack of compliments on my 40 minute prep & makeup was kind of a downer. Of course, self-esteem tends to tak a backseat when pain enters into the equation. I'm just glad my ear didn't start hurting seriously until after class.

I've got a new roomie this semester, a freshman in the theater department. All in all, it looks like this is shaping up to be a pretty cool semester. I just need to get my ear to stop hurting & my cell phone to work.

Long time, no type.

Stumbled my way back here. Maybe my mom and Nessa can motivate me to get back into this blogging thing. Right now, I've got a couple of scripts to memorize for rehearsals Monday. Two acting scenes, ten minutes each. I've held each script less than a week and am supposed to be off book already. Oh boy... Time to get to work.

Anyone who stopped by here and was disappointed by the lack of an actual blog entry, check out these other blogs. They're pretty cool and newer to the blogosphere. :)

Mistress Mary and Quite Contrary are doing a remodel of their blog. Its well worth a visit.

Jayde's Little Corner will give you a glimpse into the life of a small town Texas mom, artist, and all around cool person.

Jayde's other half, Terzula, is also very cool. He's got a clear view of the world and every now and then can be pretty profound. ;)

I'll get an actual update going soon. :)

Fired

The summer routine was going in full force up until last night. Everything kind of derailed. I was working, like usual for summer, at a convenience store near the edge of town. My step-dad was there as well, doing his evening stocking hours. It had been a pretty slow night, no lines of customers at the register, but they were coming in pretty steadily. It seemed like every time I moved from behind the counter to do a side-job, somebody else would come in. This prevented me from doing my safe drops, which turned out to be my own fault. That was how it started, normal enough.

This guy comes in and pre-pays for gas, so I set the pump and go to put the money in the register. As soon as the drawer was open, his hands reached over and grabbed. I reacted automatically, grabbing back, but I missed. Yelling "hey!" very loudly, I kept on acting automatically and followed him out of the store. By the time I hit the doors, he was in his car. It was turned off. I got close enough to watch him shift into drive before my brain kicked in, going: "okay, what are you going to do now?" As he drove off, I noted the license plate number.

The next hours or so was hellish as the adrenaline started to wear off. The store manager and my stepdad both praised me for being so gutsy while I kept telling them I hadn't planned any of it. When I was filling out a police report, the manager came into the back room where I was and told me the bad news. I'd been fired.

For chasing the guy and trying to get the money back, I was fired.

The pay there was good, but it doesn't seem worth fighting to keep the job, so my job hunt will start fresh on Monday. After last night's insanity, I think I deserve a weekend off.

To my mom for everything

I love you more than words can say. You're my best friend. You've always been there and supported me even when you knew I'd fall flat on my face. Thank you, Momma Bunny.

Twenty-two years and counting

The end of March marks the start of a new year in my life. My birthday has come and gone and I'm now twenty-two. No big party, but I didn't really want one. I just spent time with my best friend last Saturday and went to a play that Sunday. I ended up getting a new computer out of the deal since my Mac crashed Friday. The problem? It's a Windows. I haven't used Windows computers in ten years. At this point, I've managed to get connected to the internet. I know the DVD player works. I know the wireless card works. Haven't tried much else.

Even though I've passed another birthday, there are times I have to remind myself it happened; I have to remember I'm 22 now. I suppose it makes sense. After all, there's rarely any sort of ceremony or tradition surrounding birthday number twenty-two. Thirteen seems big because you're finally a teenager. The next year or two marks the beginning of high school. Sixteen, of course, is everything for most teens. Girls get the sweet sixteen party. You get your learner's permit, soon to be your license. If you're lucky you get a car. If you're really lucky and/or your folks aren't the most intelligent (in my opinion) you get a new car. Eighteen marks the world of legal adulthood. You're graduating, being thrown into the world with whatever guidance or lessons you may have picked up over the last twelve years of school. Twenty is big because you're no longer a teenager. Twenty-one years and you can legally buy your own alcohol. Twenty-two? Not exactly a milestone in most people's eyes.

In my twenty-two years on this world, I've learned a lot about myself. As a child, I learned to do whatever my mom said. Whether he like the pets or not, my dad would do anything for them because they were mine. I learned about classical music, great literature, and great art, developing a life-long love of impressionistic art. The ability to think for yourself will get you far and help you for the remainder of your life. Sometimes friends leave, but that doesn't mean you have to forget them. The best food in the room just might be the stuff nobody else is touching. Grass is not my friend. Neither is poison ivy. The worst thing you can ever do is lie to someone who trusts you; if that person is your mother, you may as well have committed blasphemy. Be willing to express your opinion, but realize that sometimes its better to keep your mouth shut. Its okay to drive over 40 mph. The idea of standing by your friends no matter what sometimes only works in theory. My uncles would kill for me if I asked them; my mom would get away with it. My step-dad is one of the greatest men in the world if only because he treats my mom like royalty. Suicide is never the answer, if only because it causes so much pain to the people left behind. I have three guardian angels watching over me, one of them a canine. The pursuit of knowledge is never a waste of time. The smell of steak cooking can make me nauseous. Whether its a car or a house, outer appearance doesn't matter. Family doesn't always mean you're related. A smile is the same in any language. Don't be afraid of manual labor. A willingness to work, to try, is just as important as knowing how to think. Boys are icky. Best friends don't always make the best lovers. Anytime you get extra money, you'll suddenly find a need for it you didn't know you had. Try anything once; you might find a new hobby.

I could go on, but just got an invite for dinner with a friend I haven't seen in a few months. Hope you enjoyed that little glimpse at some of my life lessons.